Thoughts from the Happy Fat Guy

Another year has come and gone. 2009 will soon be in the past and 2010 is a fresh, new thought that is upon us. As such, I believe it is time for this blogger to come up with a list of resolutions for the year 2010. Now, if you believe the current Hollywood trend, this is an exercise in futility since in only two more years the world is going to end anyway. But for the sake of argument, let’s just assume the Mayan calendar was mistaken.

1. The first and most important resolution, I will make no more resolutions! Resolutions are crap, plan and simple. If this change was important enough for a resolution, it was important enough to start today, not only on the first of the year. As many of us have realized, resolutions are just countdowns to failure. So, no more resolutions.
2. As much as I may disagree with the political climate of our country right now, there are two things our Commander in Chief has said that I agree with. Now is a time for change, and Yes We Can! Each of us has change that we must face in the upcoming year and it’s about time that we had the courage to face this needed change with the fight and resolve needed to conquer it.
3. One change that can have a huge affect on us is stopping the restaurants, take-out, and drive-thrus. Understand that the value meal is the enemy! How many healthy options can there really be on a menu that could not exist without grease, and a lot of it? How many of you ever have leftover's when you hit the drive-thru?
4. That leads directly to this point, cook at home! I know all the excuses, I don’t have time, I have to get the kids to soccer (not sure why those words should ever be uttered anyway), I get home from work too late. I have used all of these excuses, except the soccer one. Here are the facts though. It costs less to cook a meal at home. It does not have to take three hours to do it. There are cook books and magazines that specialize in recipes that taste good, are healthy, use fewer than five ingredients, and take less than a half an hour to prepare. I know this for a fact because I have spent the last year putting together two 3-inch binders full of just these types of recipes. The added bonus to cooking at home is leftovers. After this surgery, I still cook many of the same meals as before. The difference is that after we are done, I am able to make a plate for me and Mary for the next day at work. Now, I don’t have to worry about making a lunch, I know it’s healthy, and I know it wasn’t served in a bag.
5. Make a choice to move. No matter how much or how little, just begin to move. Start simple; take the stairs at work, not the elevator. Walk around the block. Wrestle with your kids. Just do something, because doing nothing is what got us where we are now.
6. Lastly, ask for help. I know that one of the easiest things to do is keep all of this stuff inside. Suffer in silence and put on a happy face for everyone. That approach does not work. You may not believe it from this blog, but I am an extremely introverted person. I find reaching out to others very trying and stressful. But as I have begun to do so, I am finding strength in places I never had before. Find someone to talk to, to share your experience and struggles with. If you aren’t sure where to start, might I suggest starting with me? I am no professional and I certainly don’t have all the answers. But I do have a good ear and I am intimately familiar with the struggles many of you are going through. I do not work for the hospital, so I can say that whatever is shared with me will stay with me.

2010 can be a new and exciting year. Full of change and new experiences. Or it can simply be a repeat of the many years before. If you continue down the same road, if you make resolutions that end within a month or two of beginning, guess what the result will be at the end of 2010, same old you. It was once said that, “foolishness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result”. This last year I have been blessed to experience many things I never thought I would again. Buying clothes from a “normal” store. Taking my children on rides and roller coasters. Running over a mile and not stopping. Exercising self-control at the Golden Corral. Losing 125lbs. There have been many great experiences for me. There have also been some tremendous stumbling blocks. I have screwed up about as much as you can in some ways. I have had the crap scared out of me at the hospital. But here I am still standing. And most importantly, fighting back and not giving up. Whatever you do in 2010, do NOT give up.

We call this the season of giving. That’s the traditional line. Yet, the only thing I see on “Black Friday” is people giving mean looks and  black eyes. A lot. The season of giving seems to lose its meaning among so many things that are going on this time of year. I truly believe that most of us have the best of intentions, but it’s hard not to get caught up in everything else.

Think of it this way, what is your earliest memory of Christmas? For most of us it would be a first trip to see Santa Claus. Now, I have nothing against this man, quite the contrary. I admire his dedication and steadfastness. But to this day, his first question to all children has remained the same. “So little {fill in the name}, what would YOU like for Christmas this year? Yet, if this is the primary focus we teach our children from the earliest of ages, shouldn’t this be called, “The Season of Wanting”?

At the Breakfast with Santa I attended today, I saw plenty of examples of children beaming with their wishes to Santa, my own included. But one child stood out among all. She didn’t have the prettiest dress (although it was quite beautiful), she didn’t have the most perfect smile, (although it sure was pretty to see), but she had the most pure heart I saw. How could I see this you may ask? She was the child that approached Santa and his helper not with a wish, but with a present, for them. She took the time to make a wonderful bracelet that she gave to Santa’s helper.

This was not just any child either. This was very young child who over the last few years has experienced pain and loss that most of us can’t even imagine. A child who has displayed the heart and fight in the face of great adversity that we can all be proud of. Facing the battles that she does on a daily basis, it would be easy for her to walk up to Santa and ask for any number of things, not the least of which could be her health. It would be even easier for her to loose faith completely and ask Santa for nothing assuming that he does not respond to her wishes anyway.

Instead, she thought of giving. She took it upon herself to create a special present for someone who spends their time giving presents to others. This may be the most special bracelet I have ever seen given to another. In one single action, this little girl showed all of us that this truly is the Season of Giving.

A Child was given to all of us many years ago as the Ultimate Gift. He came bearing the gift of grace, forgiveness, and, most importantly, relationship with the One who created us. This child was born with one simple goal in mind. To one day fulfill a promise made to each us. There is a reason this is known as the Season of Giving.

The question is what do we do now? Simple, we follow this little girl’s example and give. Maybe it’s just giving at the red buckets we see. It could be giving your time at a nursing home. Spend some time at Children’s Hospital this year; there is always a need for volunteers, especially this time of year. Another wonderful cause I have stumbled upon is to help provide gifts to the families of our serving military. Go to:

http://www.klove.com/Ministry/FeaturedPartner.aspx

for additional information on the Be Brave This Christmas cause. It’s simple to do and will change the lives of many. But if this interests you, be quick about it. The program only runs from December 12 – 18, 2009. There are so many other wonderful ways to give this Christmas. Of our time, of our money, of ourselves. Let’s all make a commitment to let the spirit of this child’s giving spirit flow through us not only this Christmas, but if we are fortunate, every day.

So, how many chances do you think we get to be thankful for something? Or as Charlie Brown would see it, exactly how times are we gonna take a kick at the ball before we finally tell Lucy to get off the field and go pull the ball away from some other idiot? I don’t want to be the idiot that just keeps blindly kicking somehow expecting a magical different result. It’s time that I take the real and genuine steps needed to go in another direction.

To date, I have had numerous chances to fix this obesity problem on my own. Let’s narrow it down to three main times. Pre-surgery I could have taken the necessary steps to change behavior and in turn have a different result. Clearly I was failing miserably at that. So along comes opportunity two. Dr. Wallace and his staff had enough trust and faith in me to perform a life-altering surgery on me. They upheld their end of the bargain without question. And for the first three months, so did I. And then I began to slide back down the slippery slope of failure. I continued to lose weight, and yet began to fall back into some familiar and unhealthy habits. I began to circumvent the procedure with my own homemade remedies. And this worked for awhile. That is until I realized how much damage I was doing to myself.

Not to be too preachy, but during a sermon at church that was completely unrelated to the struggles I was silently going through on my own, The Lord spoke directly to my heart. And His words were clear and to the point. The Lord told me that He loved me too much to allow my sin and destructive behavior to stay in the dark. He very directly said that if I didn’t bright this into the light, that He would do it for me. He also made it clear that if He had to do it, it may not be pretty and I may not like the results. This was the wake-up call I needed.

At that point, I made a 180 degree turn from the direction I was going in. Four weeks later, I couldn’t be happier with the turn around. This is my third kick at the football. Let’s hope that Lucy doesn’t pull it away this time. So as Thanksgiving approaches, I am grateful for the obvious; a wonderful and understanding wife who even when confronted with not-so-positive news met me with nothing but love and understanding. Family and friends that continue to support me whether walking on the right path or struggling through possible failure. And a God that continues to provide even though I clearly fall short of what He is calling me to be. Thankfully He is a God that loves me for my stumbles as well as my success. I cannot promise that I’ve got it all figured out, but I sure am trying and am taking steps in the right direction. Stick with me and hopefully as we go through this season I will be able to share more positive change. I pray that all of you have a blessed and safe Thanksgiving. Take the time to not only think about what you are thankful for, but what you want to be thankful for in the following year.

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The following is feedback received for this blog: Way to go Scott! I'm glad to see that things seem to be turning around for you. Hopefully this third time will be a charm. Seeing that you are open about your faith, I will gladly say that I'm praying for you!

I figured out the secret to succeeding at this WLS thing: There is no secret. And if you are reading this blog thinking that Scott’s Journey will make mine that much easier to face, I greatly apologize, but I am probably going to burst your bubble. This post will probably test just how honest I want to be with you the reader and how honest Froedtert & The Medical College of Wisconsin wants me to be with you the patient.

My weight is maintaining at about 255 pounds. Still down about 120 pounds from one year ago. That is the good news. The bad news is that I have been failing at this process for about the last six months. Yes, I am eating less and eating healthier than before. I am able to do more and can be more active than I was before. But just because I can do more doesn’t mean that I am. I am not taking full advantage of the benefits of this surgery.

There are ways to cheat this surgery. There are ways to cheat anything. I will not share the specifics with you because, let's be honest, many of you who are reading this are already familiar with the cheating and lying to yourself. God knows that I am. In many ways I feel like I am becoming my own self-fulfilling prophecy. I went into this worried in the back of my mind about failure and here I am taking steps towards failure.

The hospital and I have talked about putting a “sunset” date on my blog writing. But I have asked for more time. I have taken steps in the last few weeks to get back on the path I need. The surgery helped with the physical part of this, now I have to deal with and face the mental aspect of it. I would be honored to be able to keep informing those of you interested in the progress I can make. Thanks for reading.

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The following is feedback received for this blog: hello Scott. I have kept up reading your blog entries and really hope the hospital does not "sunset" it. Your honesty is inspirational. We all have our challenges in life and you have choosen to share some very personal information.I applaud you!! I wish you continued success!! - jeanette Scott-I really hope the Hopsital does not sunset your blog. It's great that you have chosen to share your journey. It should be a real eye opener to those thinking about having the surgery. There is no magic solution. It takes a look of hard work and you have shown that to those of us who read your blog. That said, I will continue to look for your blog and sincerely hope you can continue on your way to achieve the results you want from your surgery. YOU CAN DO IT!!! Scott, I am SO inspired by your honesty. I had surgery with Dr. Wallace 5 years ago. I lost 100 pounds and slowly continue to put some back on (30 so far). I am a single mom who trusts God, why can't I just deal with my emotions instead of eating? Let me know if you find the answer:) btw - I loved Dr. Wallace and the staff - they were lifesavers to me! - Jeanie Euler

Well, if you have been paying attention, there hasn’t been much said here to pay attention to. What has been going on in Scott’s world you may ask? Has success gone to his head? Has the weight loss changed his lifestyle so much that he has no free time for blogging? Has he had a massive weight gain and is he cowering in a large hole?

The simple answer to these questions is no. My weight is maintaining at 255 pounds, which is down 121 pounds since the surgery. I have to admit, it has been great spending this first summer post-op. To be able to go camping and do activities with the family that before were improbable has been great. I have really enjoyed being able to buy clothes in normal stores. I eat many of the same foods that I did before, but now I enjoy them in moderation. A portion size is a third of what it used to be, and eating takes longer now. Instead of stuffing in as much as I could as fast as I could, I now take my time with my meals. I allow myself to enjoy what I am eating and I allow my body to tell me when it is full.

There are struggles though. Since early in this journey, I have noticed changes emotionally. These are changes that I cannot put a finger on. The surgery itself has been a rousing success, but there are changes going on that are beyond my comprehension. At a time in my life when I should feel more complete than ever, I feel quite lost and broken. At a time when I should be experiencing a new level of joy, I seem to be finding it hard to enjoy this new life. Even as I write this, I question why I feel this way. More importantly, I question what I have to do to change these feelings.

The one constant that I continue to be grateful for is a supportive and loving wife and family. To say that I have not been a treat to have around the house lately would be an understatement. Yet, as I continue to walk this road, I know I am not on it alone. Mary and the kids continue to stand beside me without hesitation.

I find no pleasure in admitting these things on this blog, quite the opposite actually. I can’t help but feel a bit ashamed at the moment. But I feel that it is important that I continue to be honest with those of you who take the time to read this. I am still grateful for this life-changing procedure, but I can’t lie to you either. It is not all sunshine and rainbows.

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The following is feedback received for this blog: Scott-I have been reading this since you started posting. You have come a long way since the surgery and hopefully this will be a small stumbling block on a GREAT road to success. You're pretty brave to be that candid about the struggles and not just telling us about all the "sunshine and rainbows". Please be sure to make use of all the resources available to you such as support groups or mental health professionals. I'm sure anyone who has been following your blog is pulling for you to be able to enjoy your success. Hang in there, Scott. Reading this blog, I can tell you're doing this for the people you love. Remember that and remember them. That'll get you through it. - Don