Well, if you have been paying attention, there hasn’t been much said here to pay attention to. What has been going on in Scott’s world you may ask? Has success gone to his head? Has the weight loss changed his lifestyle so much that he has no free time for blogging? Has he had a massive weight gain and is he cowering in a large hole?
The simple answer to these questions is no. My weight is maintaining at 255 pounds, which is down 121 pounds since the surgery. I have to admit, it has been great spending this first summer post-op. To be able to go camping and do activities with the family that before were improbable has been great. I have really enjoyed being able to buy clothes in normal stores. I eat many of the same foods that I did before, but now I enjoy them in moderation. A portion size is a third of what it used to be, and eating takes longer now. Instead of stuffing in as much as I could as fast as I could, I now take my time with my meals. I allow myself to enjoy what I am eating and I allow my body to tell me when it is full.
There are struggles though. Since early in this journey, I have noticed changes emotionally. These are changes that I cannot put a finger on. The surgery itself has been a rousing success, but there are changes going on that are beyond my comprehension. At a time in my life when I should feel more complete than ever, I feel quite lost and broken. At a time when I should be experiencing a new level of joy, I seem to be finding it hard to enjoy this new life. Even as I write this, I question why I feel this way. More importantly, I question what I have to do to change these feelings.
The one constant that I continue to be grateful for is a supportive and loving wife and family. To say that I have not been a treat to have around the house lately would be an understatement. Yet, as I continue to walk this road, I know I am not on it alone. Mary and the kids continue to stand beside me without hesitation.
I find no pleasure in admitting these things on this blog, quite the opposite actually. I can’t help but feel a bit ashamed at the moment. But I feel that it is important that I continue to be honest with those of you who take the time to read this. I am still grateful for this life-changing procedure, but I can’t lie to you either. It is not all sunshine and rainbows.
||The following is feedback received for this blog:|
Scott-I have been reading this since you started posting. You have come a long way since the surgery and hopefully this will be a small stumbling block on a GREAT road to success. You're pretty brave to be that candid about the struggles and not just telling us about all the "sunshine and rainbows".
Please be sure to make use of all the resources available to you such as support groups or mental health professionals. I'm sure anyone who has been following your blog is pulling for you to be able to enjoy your success.
Hang in there, Scott. Reading this blog, I can tell you're doing this for the people you love. Remember that and remember them. That'll get you through it.