Bariatric Surgery

I Figured Out the Secret

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:31:14 GMT

I figured out the secret to succeeding at this WLS thing: There is no secret. And if you are reading this blog thinking that Scott’s Journey will make mine that much easier to face, I greatly apologize, but I am probably going to burst your bubble. This post will probably test just how honest I want to be with you the reader and how honest Froedtert & The Medical College of Wisconsin wants me to be with you the patient.

My weight is maintaining at about 255 pounds. Still down about 120 pounds from one year ago. That is the good news. The bad news is that I have been failing at this process for about the last six months. Yes, I am eating less and eating healthier than before. I am able to do more and can be more active than I was before. But just because I can do more doesn’t mean that I am. I am not taking full advantage of the benefits of this surgery.

There are ways to cheat this surgery. There are ways to cheat anything. I will not share the specifics with you because, let's be honest, many of you who are reading this are already familiar with the cheating and lying to yourself. God knows that I am. In many ways I feel like I am becoming my own self-fulfilling prophecy. I went into this worried in the back of my mind about failure and here I am taking steps towards failure.

The hospital and I have talked about putting a “sunset” date on my blog writing. But I have asked for more time. I have taken steps in the last few weeks to get back on the path I need. The surgery helped with the physical part of this, now I have to deal with and face the mental aspect of it. I would be honored to be able to keep informing those of you interested in the progress I can make. Thanks for reading.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

hello Scott. I have kept up reading your blog entries and really hope the hospital does not "sunset" it. Your honesty is inspirational. We all have our challenges in life and you have choosen to share some very personal information.I applaud you!! I wish you continued success!!

- jeanette

Scott-I really hope the Hopsital does not sunset your blog. It's great that you have chosen to share your journey. It should be a real eye opener to those thinking about having the surgery. There is no magic solution. It takes a look of hard work and you have shown that to those of us who read your blog. That said, I will continue to look for your blog and sincerely hope you can continue on your way to achieve the results you want from your surgery. YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Scott, I am SO inspired by your honesty. I had surgery with Dr. Wallace 5 years ago. I lost 100 pounds and slowly continue to put some back on (30 so far). I am a single mom who trusts God, why can't I just deal with my emotions instead of eating? Let me know if you find the answer:)

btw - I loved Dr. Wallace and the staff - they were lifesavers to me!

- Jeanie Euler

And What Shall We Resolve?

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 16:26:10 GMT

Another year has come and gone. 2009 will soon be in the past and 2010 is a fresh, new thought that is upon us. As such, I believe it is time for this blogger to come up with a list of resolutions for the year 2010. Now, if you believe the current Hollywood trend, this is an exercise in futility since in only two more years the world is going to end anyway. But for the sake of argument, let’s just assume the Mayan calendar was mistaken.

The first and most important resolution, I will make no more resolutions! Resolutions are crap, plan and simple. If this change was important enough for a resolution, it was important enough to start today, not only on the first of the year. As many of us have realized, resolutions are just countdowns to failure. So, no more resolutions.
As much as I may disagree with the political climate of our country right now, there are two things our Commander in Chief has said that I agree with. Now is a time for change, and Yes We Can! Each of us has change that we must face in the upcoming year and it’s about time that we had the courage to face this needed change with the fight and resolve needed to conquer it.
One change that can have a huge affect on us is stopping the restaurants, take-out, and drive-thrus. Understand that the value meal is the enemy! How many healthy options can there really be on a menu that could not exist without grease, and a lot of it? How many of you ever have leftover's when you hit the drive-thru?
That leads directly to this point, cook at home! I know all the excuses, I don’t have time, I have to get the kids to soccer (not sure why those words should ever be uttered anyway), I get home from work too late. I have used all of these excuses, except the soccer one. Here are the facts though. It costs less to cook a meal at home. It does not have to take three hours to do it. There are cook books and magazines that specialize in recipes that taste good, are healthy, use fewer than five ingredients, and take less than a half an hour to prepare. I know this for a fact because I have spent the last year putting together two 3-inch binders full of just these types of recipes. The added bonus to cooking at home is leftovers. After this surgery, I still cook many of the same meals as before. The difference is that after we are done, I am able to make a plate for me and Mary for the next day at work. Now, I don’t have to worry about making a lunch, I know it’s healthy, and I know it wasn’t served in a bag.
Make a choice to move. No matter how much or how little, just begin to move. Start simple; take the stairs at work, not the elevator. Walk around the block. Wrestle with your kids. Just do something, because doing nothing is what got us where we are now.
Lastly, ask for help. I know that one of the easiest things to do is keep all of this stuff inside. Suffer in silence and put on a happy face for everyone. That approach does not work. You may not believe it from this blog, but I am an extremely introverted person. I find reaching out to others very trying and stressful. But as I have begun to do so, I am finding strength in places I never had before. Find someone to talk to, to share your experience and struggles with. If you aren’t sure where to start, might I suggest starting with me? I am no professional and I certainly don’t have all the answers. But I do have a good ear and I am intimately familiar with the struggles many of you are going through. I do not work for the hospital, so I can say that whatever is shared with me will stay with me.

2010 can be a new and exciting year. Full of change and new experiences. Or it can simply be a repeat of the many years before. If you continue down the same road, if you make resolutions that end within a month or two of beginning, guess what the result will be at the end of 2010, same old you. It was once said that, “foolishness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result”. This last year I have been blessed to experience many things I never thought I would again. Buying clothes from a “normal” store. Taking my children on rides and roller coasters. Running over a mile and not stopping. Exercising self-control at the Golden Corral. Losing 125lbs. There have been many great experiences for me. There have also been some tremendous stumbling blocks. I have screwed up about as much as you can in some ways. I have had the crap scared out of me at the hospital. But here I am still standing. And most importantly, fighting back and not giving up. Whatever you do in 2010, do NOT give up.

An Example of the True Meaning of Christmas

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 12:19:08 GMT

We call this the season of giving. That’s the traditional line. Yet, the only thing I see on “Black Friday” is people giving mean looks and black eyes. A lot. The season of giving seems to lose its meaning among so many things that are going on this time of year. I truly believe that most of us have the best of intentions, but it’s hard not to get caught up in everything else.

Think of it this way, what is your earliest memory of Christmas? For most of us it would be a first trip to see Santa Claus. Now, I have nothing against this man, quite the contrary. I admire his dedication and steadfastness. But to this day, his first question to all children has remained the same. “So little {fill in the name}, what would YOU like for Christmas this year? Yet, if this is the primary focus we teach our children from the earliest of ages, shouldn’t this be called, “The Season of Wanting”?

At the Breakfast with Santa I attended today, I saw plenty of examples of children beaming with their wishes to Santa, my own included. But one child stood out among all. She didn’t have the prettiest dress (although it was quite beautiful), she didn’t have the most perfect smile, (although it sure was pretty to see), but she had the most pure heart I saw. How could I see this you may ask? She was the child that approached Santa and his helper not with a wish, but with a present, for them. She took the time to make a wonderful bracelet that she gave to Santa’s helper.

This was not just any child either. This was very young child who over the last few years has experienced pain and loss that most of us can’t even imagine. A child who has displayed the heart and fight in the face of great adversity that we can all be proud of. Facing the battles that she does on a daily basis, it would be easy for her to walk up to Santa and ask for any number of things, not the least of which could be her health. It would be even easier for her to loose faith completely and ask Santa for nothing assuming that he does not respond to her wishes anyway.

Instead, she thought of giving. She took it upon herself to create a special present for someone who spends their time giving presents to others. This may be the most special bracelet I have ever seen given to another. In one single action, this little girl showed all of us that this truly is the Season of Giving.

A Child was given to all of us many years ago as the Ultimate Gift. He came bearing the gift of grace, forgiveness, and, most importantly, relationship with the One who created us. This child was born with one simple goal in mind. To one day fulfill a promise made to each us. There is a reason this is known as the Season of Giving.

The question is what do we do now? Simple, we follow this little girl’s example and give. Maybe it’s just giving at the red buckets we see. It could be giving your time at a nursing home. Spend some time at Children’s Hospital this year; there is always a need for volunteers, especially this time of year. Another wonderful cause I have stumbled upon is to help provide gifts to the families of our serving military. Go to:

http://www.klove.com/Ministry/FeaturedPartner.aspx

for additional information on the Be Brave This Christmas cause. It’s simple to do and will change the lives of many. But if this interests you, be quick about it. The program only runs from December 12 – 18, 2009. There are so many other wonderful ways to give this Christmas. Of our time, of our money, of ourselves. Let’s all make a commitment to let the spirit of this child’s giving spirit flow through us not only this Christmas, but if we are fortunate, every day.

How Many Chances?

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 11:49:38 GMT

So, how many chances do you think we get to be thankful for something? Or as Charlie Brown would see it, exactly how times are we gonna take a kick at the ball before we finally tell Lucy to get off the field and go pull the ball away from some other idiot? I don’t want to be the idiot that just keeps blindly kicking somehow expecting a magical different result. It’s time that I take the real and genuine steps needed to go in another direction.

To date, I have had numerous chances to fix this obesity problem on my own. Let’s narrow it down to three main times. Pre-surgery I could have taken the necessary steps to change behavior and in turn have a different result. Clearly I was failing miserably at that. So along comes opportunity two. Dr. Wallace and his staff had enough trust and faith in me to perform a life-altering surgery on me. They upheld their end of the bargain without question. And for the first three months, so did I. And then I began to slide back down the slippery slope of failure. I continued to lose weight, and yet began to fall back into some familiar and unhealthy habits. I began to circumvent the procedure with my own homemade remedies. And this worked for awhile. That is until I realized how much damage I was doing to myself.

Not to be too preachy, but during a sermon at church that was completely unrelated to the struggles I was silently going through on my own, The Lord spoke directly to my heart. And His words were clear and to the point. The Lord told me that He loved me too much to allow my sin and destructive behavior to stay in the dark. He very directly said that if I didn’t bright this into the light, that He would do it for me. He also made it clear that if He had to do it, it may not be pretty and I may not like the results. This was the wake-up call I needed.

At that point, I made a 180 degree turn from the direction I was going in. Four weeks later, I couldn’t be happier with the turn around. This is my third kick at the football. Let’s hope that Lucy doesn’t pull it away this time. So as Thanksgiving approaches, I am grateful for the obvious; a wonderful and understanding wife who even when confronted with not-so-positive news met me with nothing but love and understanding. Family and friends that continue to support me whether walking on the right path or struggling through possible failure. And a God that continues to provide even though I clearly fall short of what He is calling me to be. Thankfully He is a God that loves me for my stumbles as well as my success. I cannot promise that I’ve got it all figured out, but I sure am trying and am taking steps in the right direction. Stick with me and hopefully as we go through this season I will be able to share more positive change. I pray that all of you have a blessed and safe Thanksgiving. Take the time to not only think about what you are thankful for, but what you want to be thankful for in the following year.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

Way to go Scott! I'm glad to see that things seem to be turning around for you. Hopefully this third time will be a charm. Seeing that you are open about your faith, I will gladly say that I'm praying for you!

The Slippery Road

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:38:57 GMT

First I would like to apologize to all for the delay in an update. Over the holidays, I had an unexpected visit from the kidney stone fairy. She was sweet enough to allow me to welcome in the New Year with not one, not two, but three new additions to my kidney stone family. There was a positive though. In years past, a kidney stone over 4mm in size always resulted in surgical intervention for passage. Two of the kidney stones that I passed this time were 6mm and 4mm. They were passed with no surgery needed. They still hurt just as bad and yes, there was a need for “pharmaceutical assistance” with pain. For the first time in many years though I passed significant stones without surgery. I couldn’t tell you the reason for this. All I know is that after losing 90 lbs, I was able to pass stones that I could not before.

Now, on to the update. I am currently 4 months post-op and down 90 lbs. I am finally starting to really notice the physical changes to my body. I can look in the mirror and no longer look like I’m carrying twins. I have lost about 10 inches off my waistline. For my work as a sheriff, I wear a duty belt. That belt was on its last notch before surgery. Now, I have had to drill new holes into it to tighten it up. Cows around the world are rejoicing because it only takes one of them to make a belt for me.

Here's a new picture with me before on the left and me three-months post-op on the right.

Not all is perfect in my world of weight loss surgery though. Old habits die hard, and sometimes not at all. Prior to surgery, I was a boredom eater. I ate simply because I was sitting there and it was something to do. Lately, I am finding myself falling back into this habit of spectacularly stupid behavior. I find myself justifying it by saying, “It’s not so bad, I am eating the 100 calorie pack of snacks", or "It’s only a Weight Watcher piece of candy.”

The reality is I am beginning to see myself heading down a slippery and dangerous road. Many of my behaviors have changed for the better. I am eating healthier and less than before. I am exercising and living a more active lifestyle. I am making strides in my health that I never expected. But I am also beginning to struggle with things I wrestled with most of my life.

Up to this point, the tool of the surgery has been enough to make me successful. I think I am now entering a new phase of post-surgical life. I am reaching the fork in the road. One turn will take me down a road that leads to a healthier, happier me. The other goes down a road that I have spent most of my life on. What I am beginning to realize is that I have to face this fork in the road every morning that I wake up. The surgery will help give me direction, but it will never be able to choose the road for me. That is a decision I will need to commit to every day.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

Scott thanks for your candid comments. I am in the process of attending a seminar on Feb.5th. I look forward to a healthier, happy life. I am also in law enforcement since 1990 and I am 100lbs overweight. I think the hardest part is putting that gun belt on every morning. I look forward to loosening a notch in my belt the most of all. Keep me posted I enjoy your thoughts.

- Jackie

Scott, again, thanks for sharing. You look AMAZING!

- Jen

I am so happy you gave us an update. Sorry for the kidney stones. I have followed your story from the begining and was concerned when you had a lapse on the blog. Your humor is appreciated. I am happy for your weight loss success thus far. Your absolutly correct, whatever demons each of us has, we need to deal with as they are really I beleive the core of our problem/addiction whatever that may be. I wish you continued success. Dont be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you have a handle on your justifications.

scott i have ready your story an it help me i am thinking about having the surgery i have been over weight for a long time now an i have lots of health problem i am some what scared but i am all so scared that if i don,t get some help i won,t live as long as i could i have nine granda kids an i am raising three of them i want to be around for a long time thank you for your story i know it want be easy but i trust an god that i will be ok again thank you for your story

- rosie f.

Not All Sunshine and Rainbows

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 11:01:36 GMT

Well, if you have been paying attention, there hasn’t been much said here to pay attention to. What has been going on in Scott’s world you may ask? Has success gone to his head? Has the weight loss changed his lifestyle so much that he has no free time for blogging? Has he had a massive weight gain and is he cowering in a large hole?

The simple answer to these questions is no. My weight is maintaining at 255 pounds, which is down 121 pounds since the surgery. I have to admit, it has been great spending this first summer post-op. To be able to go camping and do activities with the family that before were improbable has been great. I have really enjoyed being able to buy clothes in normal stores. I eat many of the same foods that I did before, but now I enjoy them in moderation. A portion size is a third of what it used to be, and eating takes longer now. Instead of stuffing in as much as I could as fast as I could, I now take my time with my meals. I allow myself to enjoy what I am eating and I allow my body to tell me when it is full.

There are struggles though. Since early in this journey, I have noticed changes emotionally. These are changes that I cannot put a finger on. The surgery itself has been a rousing success, but there are changes going on that are beyond my comprehension. At a time in my life when I should feel more complete than ever, I feel quite lost and broken. At a time when I should be experiencing a new level of joy, I seem to be finding it hard to enjoy this new life. Even as I write this, I question why I feel this way. More importantly, I question what I have to do to change these feelings.

The one constant that I continue to be grateful for is a supportive and loving wife and family. To say that I have not been a treat to have around the house lately would be an understatement. Yet, as I continue to walk this road, I know I am not on it alone. Mary and the kids continue to stand beside me without hesitation.

I find no pleasure in admitting these things on this blog, quite the opposite actually. I can’t help but feel a bit ashamed at the moment. But I feel that it is important that I continue to be honest with those of you who take the time to read this. I am still grateful for this life-changing procedure, but I can’t lie to you either. It is not all sunshine and rainbows.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

Scott-I have been reading this since you started posting. You have come a long way since the surgery and hopefully this will be a small stumbling block on a GREAT road to success. You're pretty brave to be that candid about the struggles and not just telling us about all the "sunshine and rainbows".

Please be sure to make use of all the resources available to you such as support groups or mental health professionals. I'm sure anyone who has been following your blog is pulling for you to be able to enjoy your success.

Hang in there, Scott. Reading this blog, I can tell you're doing this for the people you love. Remember that and remember them. That'll get you through it.

- Don

Life With Fewer Restrictions

Sun, 17 May 2009 18:27:16 GMT

It can be easy to forget how many things an extra 130 pounds kept me from doing. When obesity is your life, you learn to adapt. There are things you don't even bother to attempt because you know that physically you will be unable to do them. There are stores and shops you don't bother to go to because you know it will be a waste of time. There are activities you won't put on your agenda because you know you won't be able to enjoy them. This is what your life becomes. And just like any habit, you don't give it a second thought after awhile. You accept this as your reality and move on.

We recently took a camping trip to St. Louis, and I experienced firsthand how much this surgery has changed my life. We went to Six Flags St. Louis. Probably doesn't sound like a big deal. You have to remember though that my children have never been to Six Flags until I had this surgery. The simple fact was that I knew I wouldn't fit on the rides my kids would want to go on. How do you explain that to an 8-year-old? Sorry, but daddy is too fat for that ride, and the other ride, and all the rides for that matter. This time it was different. I fit on everything. For the first time in many years I went to a park and had no restrictions. I took my daughter on every roller coaster there, twice. The joy that this brought me is immeasurable.

We visited the Gateway Arch. Truly a marvel of modern design and engineering. To get to the top of the Arch, though, you have to ride in a tram car. A really small tram car. There is no way I could have fit in that car with my family before the surgery. I would have needed a separate car to ride up in. The reality is I probably would have made some lame excuse to not even go up because I wanted to avoid the embarrassment.

Gift shops are another place I avoided. When you wear a 4XL shirt, there really is no need to walk into a gift shop. You know there will be nothing there for you anyway. However on this trip, I was able to come home with a few nice mementoes. This even applies to regular stores. This last week, there was a benefit dinner honoring my mother who passed away. Problem was I found out the night before that it required business dress. Needless to say, none of my dress clothes from before my surgery fit. Instead of panicking, I was able to walk into Kohl's and find a nice outfit, that fit, and was on sale.

Has this been a perfect journey with no bumps? Absolutely not. And as I get further out I am facing some new challenges. But I am beginning to experience just how life-changing this procedure can be. How many doors it can open that have been closed far too long. It is a remarkable thing to begin to live life without the restrictions of obesity. Not only for me, but my family as well.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

Yahoo for Great America!! We went on Mother's Day and I too got on all the rides. Even on De Je Vu - and the last time I tried they kicked me off because they could not close the harness(how embarrassing). We walked and walked and I did not get tired - my family is loving it!! Keep up the great work and the sharing of your experience.

- Diane

Hi Scott,

I've been reading your blog since you began this journey. I want to say, "Thank You" because you've given me the insite to the reality of life after surgery. I'm extremely overweight and plan on having the surgery later this year. I would delight in reading more as you progress on what new challenges you're facing and what new joys you experience.

Congratulations & Best Wishes!!

- Grace C.

Six-Month Surgiversary

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 09:08:37 GMT

It’s hard to believe, but on March 18 it will be six months since I had my surgery. Even harder to believe is the fact that I have lost 120 pounds. People call me “slim” and make comments about how skinny I look. Maybe it’s a self image thing, but 250 pounds still doesn’t strike me as being skinny. That being said, I could not be happier with the weight loss I have achieved. To put it in perspective, in six short months I have lost a supermodel.

More important are the benefits I have seen in my health. I am off of all blood pressure medications. My blood pressure and pulse are lower now than when I was taking three medications a day to alter them. My cholesterol was 330 prior to surgery. I think the bacon may have played a small role in that. Now, it is 145. I am no longer using my CPAP machine for sleep apnea. The headaches that I used to get at least three times a week are gone. The constantly sore lower back and heel spurs are considerably improved.

There are many other benefits that are coming out. I have lost 12 inches in my waist, 10 inches from my chest and 4 inches from my neck. I have had the wonderful experience of buying underwear from Wal-Mart instead of the big man store. I was able to take advantage of a great sale at Boston Store where I got $500 worth of clothes for under $100. This is a store I would not have even stepped in for the last 15 years. And to be honest, there has been a noticeable improvement in my sex life. As if my wife needed more reasons than just my health for the surgical benefits.

Now, to answer a few questions. Yes, I still get hungry. This is a challenge I am still working on. I would be lying if I said it didn’t frustrate me at times. Hopefully Dr. Wallace won’t get too angry, but yes, I do have a dessert of some kind after dinner sometimes. It is no longer the extra large sundae from Culvers, but something simple like a popsicle or a pudding. I still do not enjoy working out. I do it, and I understand the necessity of it, but it still isn’t fun. Maybe when it warms up and I can get outside it will help. Yes, I still have cravings. I have had dreams about Solly’s. And in my dreams the burgers, fries and malt don’t taste as good as I know they do in real life. When we watch Man vs. Food every week there is at least one thing that makes me want to go to the destination city. Especially the doughnut place in Texas with hot, fresh-dipped doughnuts the size of your head. I also believe that the cows and pigs at the farm are laughing hysterically at the chickens because now their population is decreasing at the same alarming rate that their four legged friends were just six months ago.

And on to the most important question, do I have any regrets? No, not one. I am absolutely blown away by what I have been able to accomplish over these last six months. I though it would take at least a year to lose my first hundred pounds. Now, here I am only six months post-op, and I am 25 pounds away from my goal. Unbelievable. This has not been easy and it is not a quick fix. I do not have it all figured out and there are answers that I am still seeking. But knowing what I know now, would I do it again? In a heartbeat. For those of you who are considering the surgery or are recent graduates of it, please feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns you may have (use the Feedback link below). I am no expert and I will never pretend to be one. But I can offer a caring and compassionate ear and a perspective only those of us who have had the surgery have.

Here are some more before-and-after pictures. The old me on the left and me six-months post-op on the right:

The following is feedback received for this blog:

Congratulations on doing a great job!! I hit the 80 pound mark and feel really great too. I cannot believe it but I feel guilty if I take the elevator at work now and I am on the third floor!! The pictures look great and I know what you mean about the shopping - I am having a blast!! My daughter is having fun dressing me and I am actually looking at patterns and colors - a new one for me!! Thanks again for sharing - keep up the good work and hopefully I will see you at the lunch at the end of the month!!

- Diane

Hey Scott,

I think that was really cool that you had the surgery not only for your health, but for the well of your family. I too am obese and have sleep apnea. Along with that, I have high blood pressure. I'm really scare to have this surgery. I know that I need it. I also snore. Did you snore before you had this surgery as well? I don't want to snore in bed with my lady friend anymore. I know that I interrupt her sleep. And I don't want to interrupt her sleep anymore.

- Kevin

Like you I have been "heavy" most of my life but hid it by "being tall". You made the choice in time before seeing some of the major health issues that obesity can bring. Unfortunately I have waited until many of them have reared the ugly head. I suffered with liver disease that eventually led to a liver transplant in September of 2002. Along with that I developed a plural effusion (fluid around the lung) that hampers my breathing. To make matters worse I also smoked about 2 packs of cigarettes a day a habit that I broke at Christmas of last year. I still have the COPD that resulted from this addiction along with hypertension, sleep apnea and recently diagnosed diabetes, all the symptoms that go along with a BMI of 39. What really got to me was that when I finally quit smoking I gained more weight. Even with eliminating as much sugar as possible and eating "low fat" foods I still gained weight. I also have been working out in the Cardio Pulmonary Rehabilitation Clinic at the VA. I have decided that I need to loose the weight to get the health issues under control and regain a normal healthy lifestyle. I just hope that I will be accepted into the program. As far as I can tell there has never been a surgical candidate who has had a liver transplant.

- Mark

Shh ... I Have a Secret

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 11:42:17 GMT

Don’t tell anyone, but I have a secret. I’m going to share it with you, but only because you all have been so supportive of me. This may come as a shock, but I think the economy may be taking a hit. If your house is anything like ours, you may have already noticed the changes affecting your family. But there is hope. Invest in fast food chains because as hard as things are getting, there never seems to be a shortage of cars at these businesses. I am beginning to think that fast food may be the cockroaches of the economic recession we are in. As everything falls down around us in an economic meltdown, there are still new happy meal toys for all.

So what does this have to do with weight loss? One of my common statements pre-op was, “how expensive it is to eat healthy.” Whenever I began to diet and try eating healthier, it always seemed that our grocery bill went up. This surgery has helped me realize that I was only half right. Yes, if you begin to watch what you eat, your grocery bill will go up. But as you spend more at the grocery store, you will notice something strange. You will actually have more money in your pocket. How does this work, you may ask?

If I asked you how much you spend at a grocery store in a month, you could probably give me a pretty close estimate. But, let me ask you a more difficult question. How much do you spend a month on food not bought in a grocery store? This includes the coffee stop in the morning, the vending machines throughout the day at work, the restaurants, and yes, all of the fast food. I guarantee that you have no real concept of how much of your money goes to these types of expenses.

I would like to challenge each of you to do something. For the next two weeks, keep track of every cent you spend on these items. Every trip to the drive-thru. Every soda and bag of chips bought out of a machine. Every half-caf double mocha chino espresso with foam and cream. Every drink at a bar. Anything you buy to eat or drink that didn’t come from a grocery store or your own house. I promise you that you will be shocked at the results. My family and I did this about two years ago as we made some drastic changes to our financial life. The results shocked even me. On average, at least $400 to $500 of our monthly income was going to eating out and vending crap.

Do we spend more at the grocery store since my surgery? Yes, we absolutely do. Consider this though, since my surgery five months ago, I have spent less than $20 at work. I have not ordered lunch once and the only thing I have bought out of a vending machine has been skim milk. I used to go through at least $50 a month just at work. Will you still see my family in the drive-thru lane? Yes you will. But it’s once a week instead of almost every day. What used to be a $500 a month expense is now about $100. As money becomes tighter, trust me when I tell you that this is an area where you can make your dollar stretch.

If you are brave enough, I would like to invite you to take the two-week challenge. Write it all down, every penny spent. And then, send my your number through the feedback mechanism on this blog (at the bottom of this post). You don't have to leave your name so rest assured that your name along with your number won't be posted for all to see. This newfound accountability is the first step in long-standing change. Next time, I will share even more money-saving advantages of my post-surgical life.

What Are You Thankful For?

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 08:44:17 GMT

Thanksgiving, a time for friends, family and food. Unfortunately, often in the rush of the holiday the meaning is lost. We spend our time preparing meals, preparing homes and getting ready for the dreaded “black Friday”. We may take time to say a quick prayer before the meal. Some families may even take a minute to say what they are thankful for. But really, how much time do we spend on Thanksgiving being thankful? I’d like to take a moment to tell you some of the things I am thankful for.

I am thankful that I was given a new lease on life. This surgery has literally been a life-altering process. It has allowed me to take control of my life in a way I never thought possible. I have made changes and seen progress in just ten weeks that I could not have imagined. Not to mention that due to the risk factors in my life as well as my newly discovered liver issues, this surgery is literally a life-saving experience. None of this would have been possible without Dr. Wallace and his staff. A staff that has walked with me every step of the way and been there for anything I needed. That applies to everyone in the practice. From Dr. Wallace, Deb and Nedra who have addressed every medical concern I’ve had all the way to Keri who handled the endless paperwork and insurance requirements. She was the first person I ever spoke to in the office and to this day is one of the nicest people I’ve never met.

I am thankful for family and friends that have been nothing but supportive. For co-workers who picked up the slack while I was out and now show genuine interest in my daily well-being. A pastor, who has become a great friend as well. For this Web site and the support and concern shown by those who have left feedback. For the opportunity that writing this blog has given me to touch the lives of others. We were put in each others paths to take this journey toward health and wellness by a God who knows what I need before I do. A father who tells me frequently how proud he is of me and the progress I am making. A wife who loved me when there was a lot more of me to love and continues to love me as we struggle and make these changes to our family.

I have a challenge now for all of you who are reading this. Take the time this year to truly reflect on what you are thankful for. Then, take some action. Say a prayer, not just a quick “Grace” but a real prayer of thanks. Pick up a phone, give someone a hug. Make sure that those for whom you are thankful know it. Don’t just assume they know. With each day we are given the opportunity to touch the lives of those around us. Make sure that for at least this day you take the steps needed to do this. And then, begin taking those steps every day.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

Scott:

I think your blog is great. I especially liked the last line of your most recent blog, which should remind all of us, those who need to lose 10 pounds, 25 pounds, 60 pounds, or 100 pounds or more, that it needs to be a daily thing. You have to decide every day that you will do it right. Messing up one day doesn't blow the whole plan.

Too many people see the big picture (60 pounds) and forget to look at the daily walk--the 1/2 pound or pound a week, or simply NOT gaining this week--that is necessary to achieve the bigger goal.

Thank you for your transparency and your willingness to share your journey. It is an encouragement to many.

-GR

My Old Friend Food

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 09:13:59 GMT

I recently heard another weight loss surgery patient say, “I didn’t realize how much I would miss my old friend food.” I certainly can sympathize with that feeling. As much as I thought I was prepared for this surgery, you really don’t know how you will react until you wake up in recovery. One of the first post-op feelings I remember is the crushing realization that there are simply things I will never eat and enjoy again. I thought I had dealt with that prior to the surgery. Until I was post-op though, the finality of this wasn’t a reality.

Consider the statement though, "I miss my old friend food." If I am honest, I have to look at everything my old friend food brought to the table. In my case, it made me obese my entire adult life. At 36 years old, I was 373lbs and a Big Mac away from a heart attack. I had health problems up the whazoo, (literally if you count the hemorrhoids). I was fat, lazy and felt like crap most of the time. On top of that, I found out that my obesity was causing liver disease that would have led to liver failure eventually.

What would you do with a friend that lied, cheated, and stole from you? At a minimum you would want them out of your life for good. That is exactly what food has done to me. It lied to me about what it was really doing to me with misleading advertisement and false, misplaced comfort. It cheated me of the true enjoyment of living every day. It stole time and years from my life. And it robbed me of so many experiences with my family.

Now, that doesn't mean I don't miss my "friend." Just like anyone that has been a part of our lives for so long, we miss them. But when I am really missing my old friend, I’m learning to ask myself this question, do I miss the destructiveness that it has rained down on my life? I truly cannot think of one positive thing that this friend has done in my life. I have to consider the consequences of opening the door for that friendship again.

If I need inspiration to maintain a healthy perspective on the importance of food in my life, I need look no further than myself. Pants that were once too tight for me to wear are now so big they slide down. For the first time in fifteen years I ran one mile, without stopping. I can look at a picture or mirror and see what it looks like to lose 62 pounds in only eight weeks. And I am beginning to understand that the purpose of food is to give nourishment, energy, and yes, some enjoyment. But I have control over food; it is not supposed to have control over me.

I'll share with you what I see. The first photo collage below is me before on the left and me eight weeks post-op. Down 62 pounds.

And here is a progressive collage. Same photos of me on the left and right and me two weeks post-op in the middle.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

Hey Scott,

Congrats on the 60+ pounds. That is great and I know what you mean about feeling great. I am at 45 lbs - but I am a girl!! We go as a family to the Y and that is fun but that stupid elipitical - I am up to 8 whole minutes!! Running a mile - way too cool!! The pictures are fantastic. I bet your clothes are falling off too! Take care and keep up the good work!!

- DIANE TENDLER

You look GREAT! Keep it up and thanks for sharing with us.

--Jen

It's Off to Work We Go

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 08:46:50 GMT

Here we are at seven weeks and there has been another milestone. Two weeks ago, I returned to work. I have to say that it was an experience I was not completely prepared for. I knew that my return was coming. I thought I was ready for it. I was beginning to develop the new habits I needed after the surgery. There were certainly no complications that concerned me.

But then, a couple of days before my return, I had this uneasy feeling. Was I really ready to go back? Was I prepared for this next step? I didn't feel so sure now. Regardless of my unease, it was time. That morning, I was greeted with compliments and questions. How do I feel, how did everything go, how much had I lost? The concern and encouragement from my coworkers was welcome.

But then, that familiar feeling came back. To understand this feeling, you have to know how I ate at work before. I grazed all day. A granola bar here, a pack of doughnuts there. Whenever hunger pings came, I snacked on something. And then, regardless of whether I ate lunch or not, I almost always stopped and had some type of fast food on the way home. Bad enough if that was replacing supper, but in my case, it was a snack in addition to supper.

While I was home, I wasn't feeling those hunger pings. I ate my three meals and was content and full. The day I returned to work, the pings returned. On the way home, as I passed each fast food restaurant, I felt this feeling of hunger. My head was telling me, "You can stop and get a grilled chicken, something healthy." I had to stop myself and think about it. There was no physical way I could be hungry. I had eaten lunch just an hour ago. And if I wasn't hungry two days ago after eating, I certainly wasn't hungry now.

It is amazing the tricks our head can play with us. Dr. Wallace was able to alter the body, but I have to remember that he wasn't able to do anything to my head. And that is where most of my problems started in the first place. That I have to work on changing myself.

Now, for my new found weight-loss motivator. As a part of surgery, Dr. Wallace does a liver biopsy. The results of mine were less than glowing. Dr. Wallace told me the results showed that I had something called, "Nonalcoholic steatohepatitis or NASH". This is a fancy way of saying that I had fatty liver syndrome. On one hand, how can I be surprised by this? I had fatty belly and fatty butt syndrome, so fatty liver just makes sense. But unlike the other two, fatty liver could lead to my death. Fatty liver can lead to non-alcohol cirrhosis of the liver. Once this has set in, the only fix is a liver transplant. I was assured by the specialist that this was the road I was on.

The scary part is that without the liver biopsy, I would never have known about this problem until it was too late to do anything about it. It does not show up on blood work or other testing. So, without this surgery I probably would have never known until this took a drastic turn for the worst.

So what is the fix? Thankfully I found out that it is what I have begun to do already. Lose weight, a lot of it. Check. Eat healthier and well-balanced meals. Check. Lead a more active lifestyle. Check.

As I found out, there is no pill to fix this, no treatment to change it. Drastic weight loss and lifestyle changes are the only real treatment for NASH. The specialist told me that this is very common in weight-loss surgery patients. But he also told me that he frequently sees this disease begin to correct itself if these things are done. So, as if I needed another motivator to succeed, here it is.

And for those of you who are wondering, seven weeks out, down just over 60 pounds.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

Congratulations on the 60lb loss. I wish you continued success!

Hi Scott,

I have been keeping up with your progress and I have to say I am a little bumbed out by your liver diagnosis. I am two years post op also with the liver diagnosis. But, as you said you are on the right track. I just wanted to say I get through each day by trying to maintain a positive attitude. I feel better than I have in years, so I won't let a little thing like this diagnosis get me down. Take care of yourself and Good luck!

Finally Fit Enough for the Fit

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 20:12:21 GMT

I am officially one month out from my surgery, and I have hit a major milestone. No, I have not reached my goal weight, let's be realistic. Last week, I was finally able to use our Wii Fit.

I bought the Fit when my wife made it clear that she wanted one for her birthday. Obviously, I was hoping to be able to use it as well. To my family's disappointment, I was wrong. Oddly enough, the Wii Fit has a weight limit of 330lbs. I understand that there are limits to how something can be built, but you would think they would build it to handle those of us that really need to use it. Then again, if those of us that really need it were doing anything physical we probably would not weigh over 330lbs.

Well, last week I was able to begin using the Fit. Not only did it feel great to finally be able to use this, it was really rewarding to begin getting my wife's name off of all the high scores.

I also had my one-month follow up with Dr. Wallace's staff. All appears to be going very well. I am down 45lbs since the surgery and I feel great. I have had no problems with nausea or vomiting. As I have progressed to more normal foods, I have had no issues holding them down.

My blood pressure has been maintaining even though I had been unable to take my normal medications until recently. There have also been noticeable benefits to my health. My headaches have been almost nonexistent, my back was in constant pain prior to surgery but has shown marked improvement, and my stomach has calmed considerably. I am amazed at how quickly I have noticed an improvement in my general health.

I am also thrilled at how this surgery has improved my regimen of working out. I have been working out for the last three weeks. I have been able to do treadmills and walking tracks, stationary bikes, and just recently began using circuit weight training. These are all things that I was not doing prior to surgery.

Like most people, my work outs would start and stop on a whim. I now have two significant motivator's that I was missing before. First, I know that the only way this surgery will work long term is for me to increase my activity level. To fully see the benefits of this surgery, I must remain faithful to all of my doctor’s orders, not just the ones I don't mind doing. Second, there is a new found motivation for losing this weight.

In my next post, I will discuss what this motivator is. I will also touch on my return to the workplace.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

Great job! Good Job Dr. Wallace and staff!!

- Jen

Wow. Almost 50 pounds. That is really amazing! Very happy to hear everything is going well.

- Chris

Two Weeks Post-Op

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 08:57:52 GMT

My first before-and-after picture on this blog. Before, on the left, and two-weeks after, 31-pounds lighter, on the right.

Here we are, two weeks post op. So what has been happening since surgery you may ask? I have two words for you ... pureed chicken. Once I was home, the challenge of preparing pureed meals began. Every day it was the same. Pureed eggs for breakfast, pureed chicken or turkey for lunch and dinner. Never was brave enough to try pureeing fish. It probably sounds worse than it was.

The food itself didn't taste too bad, but I was definitely sick of it after a few days. In spite of these feelings, I stuck to the purees for one reason, fear. Fear of messing up what the doctor worked so hard to create, fear of beginning to fail already, fear of causing pain to myself. Once the surgery was complete I came to a conclusion, if I do what Dr. Wallace tells me to, I will succeed. If I begin trying to do my own thing, I will fail. Even though I may not understand why I had to do things a certain way, I trusted that they were for my own good.

The pain after surgery wasn't too bad. Each day the discomfort and pain with deep breathes improved. By the second day I was home, I was no longer using the pain medication I had.

That Sunday, I began walking after each meal. It started with a walk to the corner and back. Then I graduated to going around the block. By 10 days post op, I was walking 2 miles. I am currently able to exercise for almost an hour straight and can use tread mills and bicycling. It seems unbelievable to me that only two weeks ago I had major abdominal surgery with a large amount of altering to my natural body. It just seems that I shouldn't be able to do these things already, but I am.

I had my first follow up with Dr. Wallace on Monday. He seems happy with the surgery and the progress I am making. After a long and thorough appointment, I received the good news. I am now able to eat soft foods. Still not a normal diet, but a big step in the right direction. The best news to me was that I had been compliant with the doctors orders since the surgery. It's only two weeks, but to me it's a good start. Okay, that may be the second best news; the best news is that I am down 31 pounds.

One challenge I have found is that although this surgery alters my physical make up, the psychological challenges are still there. There is still temptation. There is still head hunger. There is still a daily struggle to make my head do what my body knows it must. The surgery so far is a wonderful tool and I have no regrets at this point.

But the surgery does not fix everything. Pizza still smells good. Seeing candy bars every time I check out of a store still look good. Hearing every other commercial on TV be a food advertisement still raises my antenna. There are things the surgery does do though. The surgery helps me feel full and satisfied after only 3 or 4 ounces of food. It enables me to walk for two miles at a better pace than I have in years and not feel like I'm having a heart attack. It allows me to see 31lbs less of me in the mirror. There are even extracurricular benefits, just ask my wife. Is it easy, no. Is it worth it, absolutely.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

You look great! Your face looks different already (thinner AND happier)!

Thanks for sharing.

WOW!!! You look great! Hang in there, you can do it.

- mo

Congratulations. I can only pray I do this well. My surgery is Tuesday.

- Linda

great job scott, lock foreward to seeing you back at work.

- chad

Post-Op, Finally

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 14:41:17 GMT

I am officially one week post-op. First, I would like to thank all of you who extended your best wishes and prayers to my family and me. We greatly appreciate the outpouring of concern from those who visit this blog. My wife's greatest concern was me making it through the surgery, and guess what, it appears that I did.

The morning of surgery was pretty uneventful. We arrived at Froedtert by 8:30 am and began the check-in process. The staff we worked with in Day Surgery was nice and very accommodating. By around 11 it was time to go to the surgical area. Time for good-byes with my father, prayers with a pastor and good friend, and tears from my wife. As they wheeled me away, all I could do was reassure Mary that I would be fine and pray to God that I was telling her the truth.

While in pre-op, Dr. Wallace and the other members of the surgical team checked in. Their concern and confidence was very comforting to me. The anesthesiologist told me that he would give me something to help me relax. He said that I wouldn't remember anything after that. I bet him that I would remember everything right up to the point when I was put under. He laughed at me. At about 12:30 they took me into the room. I remember being amazed at the amount of equipment that was ready to be used. I also remember Dr. Wallace casually sitting in the back of the room as if he was at a local Starbucks. As they began the oxygen, I remember looking up at the anesthesiologist and saying, "Now, I am going to sleep". And I did. And he lost the bet.

I woke up in recovery and was immediately surprised at how good I felt. And then I tried to take my first deep breath and I was amazed at how bad that felt. It took awhile to get up to my room, but once I did, I settled in nicely. By about 9:30 pm I was up for my first walk. It really is surprising that after such a major surgery, you are able to be up and moving around so fast. I won't lie, it did hurt. And the morphine was my friend for the first night. But within the first day, you're able to move on to less extreme pain medication.

By mid-first day, I was up and walking laps around the 3rd floor wing. I was able to start drinking water. This was not as easy as it sounds. Here's an idea as to how it had to be done. I had four 1-ounce shot glasses of water. Every two minutes I had to take a sip. Each shot was to last 15 minutes. So every hour I was to drink a whopping 4 ounces of water by sipping every two minutes. That was a challenge. The pureed food was the same drill. Very small bites with my new baby spoon and stretched out over 30 minutes.

Dr. Wallace stopped in three separate times to talk with me. He took a great deal of time explaining everything that I needed to do. He made sure there were no questions, and even proved right off the bat that I wasn't as smart as I thought I was. I have never seen a surgeon take the kind of time he did with my family and me. There is no doubt in my mind that he is the only person in the world that is as concerned for my success after this procedure as my wife and I.

My lovely wife and three kids picked me up on Saturday afternoon. All Mary wanted to do was hug me. All the kids wanted to do was look at my surgery scars. Shortly thereafter, there were two new arrivals at home. Not what you're thinking. A thinner me, and my fancy new Packer teddy bear. Next, I'll talk to you about the first week home. And that will be from the losing side.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

Scott,

Congratulations! Best wishes for an uneventful recovery. Keep writing!

- Bruce

Yay Scott! So glad to hear that you are doing well!

Keep healing and don't forget to keep us updated with your progress!

Are You Scared?

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 10:18:36 GMT

The two most frequently asked questions I’ve heard lately are, “Are you scared?” and “How does your wife feel about this, is she scared?“

Am I scared? To be honest, yes I am. But my fear is less of the procedure itself and more about what will come after. My fear is related to post-surgical concerns. Will I be able to change my lifestyle and be compliant with the necessary changes? Will the surgery prevent me from ever returning to many of the foods I enjoy, even if eaten in moderation? Will the surgery be enough of a physical success to allow me to tackle the emotional side of this battle?

I can’t say that I am too worried about the procedure itself. That is not due to some misplaced macho superiority complex. The reality is, I can’t imagine this surgery hurts as much as passing a 13mm kidney stone through a part of my anatomy that was designed for liquid exit-only. I am sure there will be discomfort, but for a change, I will have a surgical procedure that has a result I can really look forward to.

As far as the risks, I know there are risks. I compare them to the risks of going on a roller coaster. There is a possibility the car can go flying off the tracks, but we trust the builder enough to take the chance. In the same manner, I trust Dr. Wallace and his staff enough that the reward far outweighs the risk. Dr. Wallace and his program did not develop the reputation they have by letting the car go flying of the tracks.

As for my wife, her fears are the exact opposite of mine. She is far more scared that I will not come out of the surgery this week. Beyond that, she is terrified that there will be some long-term complication that will drastically alter my life, and not for the better. Part of this fear has to do with her father passing away when she was 9 years old. Part of it is also from watching me have repeated surgeries over the last 10 years. And generally there is some mild complication.

She is genuinely excited about the changes that this surgery will begin to bring. And for her, the risks seem to be outweighed by the long-term risks of doing nothing.

To sum it up, my wife is worried I’m going to die, and I’m worried I’m going to screw everything up. Between us, I think we have all the bases covered. That being said, I would ask all of you who read this to keep my family and me in your thoughts and prayers. Surgery is two days away. The next time you here from me, I will officially be “post-op”.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

I will be right there with you on Thursday - but I'm first!! I look forward to walking the halls with you until we go home. Thank you for sharing - I am having a lot of the same thoughts!!

- Diane

I will you all the luck and I will pray for you. I have a friend that will be going thur the same thing Oct 6th and i will be there for her when she comes out of surgery.

Good luck.

- Michael

Thanks, Scott, for sharing your thoughts. I'm enjoying reading your blog and find it both reassuring and informative. Hope you don't mind, but I've shared this website with several of our relatives; I hope those contemplating the same path you have chosen will be both encouraged and inspired. I'm very proud of you, not only for taking the time to chronicle your journey, but for many other reasons as well.

Lots of Love, Aunt Valli

Hi Scott, It is Linda again. Well, the prayers have went up and waiting to hear your success story. I pray for a speedy recovery for you and Diane. I too am having some of the same feelings you and your wife have however I haven't shared these thoughts with anyone other then you now and the readers. So please also keep me in your prayers as my surgery is not far off (Oct. 14th). God Bless you and your family.

- Lynn

Really, Pureed Fish?

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 11:14:15 GMT

I will say one thing for Dr. Wallace's staff, they are thorough.

I had a presurgical meeting about a week ago. Obviously, this is in preparation for the Sept. 18 surgery date. The class was led by one of the nurses that work with the program. The purpose was to take us through each step of the surgery with great attention to detail.

Let's start with pre-op. I felt much better when one of the other participants asked me this question prior to the meeting starting, "Do you find yourself eating all the things you won't be able to eat?" Well, that was answered with a resounding yes. Every meal seems very important to me. I am not binge eating or eating large portions, but with each meal I think about what I will not be able to eat and try to fit a bit of that in. That will end very soon as I need to start the pre-op diet. This is a diet that is meant to make the surgery easier by shrinking your liver. An added benefit is that it helps you adjust to dietary changes, and it can help you begin to lose weight. That being said, I can't seem to find Taco Bell or Maria's Pizza on that menu.

Next was talking about the surgery and hospital stay. The words that were echoed throughout were 'Sip, sip sip. Walk, walk walk." It seems critical that after the surgery I begin walking as soon as I can. I think there will come a day when I don't need to walk. And that day seems to be the one when I will no longer be able to walk. Until then, I will need to be a man in motion. Water intake also is critical. The nurse stressed that I will need to get in 64 ounces of water a day. Sounds easy since I drink that before lunch usually. Oh, but there is a catch. No water for a half hour before and after a meal. And no water with a meal. If I eat three times a day, that is about 5 hours out of the day that I can not drink. Oh yeah, and in the beginning I can only drink about a thimbleful of water every couple of minutes. Now that just seems cruel.

And then there is the post-surgery diet. Pureed food doesn't sound so bad until you start to think about it. Pureed chicken may not be so bad. Pureed fish? Now that just sounds nasty. But purees will soon turn to soft foods. And soft foods to my new, regular diet within four to six weeks. Sounds like a long time in some aspects. Then again, it means I am less than eight weeks away from a very new and improved life. When I look past the tough first weeks I can begin to see a new me. When I see the person that will be waiting down the road, those first weeks don't seem too bad.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I look forward to and enjoy reading your blog. Thank you for sharing your journey.

- mo

Thanks for sharing in your continued journey.

Nothing to Fear but…

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 20:35:40 GMT

There is a well-known quote, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” Sounds great, but rarely has something as life altering and universal as fear been reduced to such a trivial statement. Unfortunately for the majority of us, fear is a motivating and sometimes paralyzing emotion. Whether it is a fear of flying that keeps you out of the air, a fear of heights that keeps your feet firmly planted on the ground, or something more internal.

You would think I would be thrilled to find out I was approved for my surgery. And you would be correct. It was a long process to be approved. There was a lot of work on my part as well as Dr. Wallace’s staff to get to this point. Letters to the insurance company, numerous doctors’ appointments, psych evaluations, months of follow-up with my family doctor. It was a long process and it was a great relief to finally be approved.

But it also brought an unexpected rush of fear. I was stricken with a very real thought of failure. You do not become morbidly obese without many very real failures in your life. Failing at diets, failing at exercise, failing at the self-control needed to continually make the right decisions for your life and its longevity. These are the battles I have fought and lost over the last 20 years.

With the failures come the inevitable self-doubt. You cannot fail this many times and not develop a strong sense of self-doubt. Almost immediately after receiving the good news, I began hearing something else. It was a voice deep inside reminding me of the many times I have failed at weight loss before. It was a voice saying, “You’re just going to screw this up the same way you’ve always screwed it up before.” I would hear the voice in my head saying things like, “Good idea, genius, we’re going to give this another try, but this time when you fall on your face you’ll have made irreversible changes to your body too.”

A few weeks after the news though, I have gained some perspective. There is still doubt and fear of failing. But I am learning what to say to that inner voice I hear. Yes, I have messed up to this point. And no, this is no magic fix. But this surgery can be the tool that I never had before. It can be the change to bring success on this journey. Fear is driven by our emotions. Not until we address the true root of our fear can we hope to conquer it and move forward.  And as I listen and respond to the self-doubt and fear I take steps forward.

There is another saying that comes to mind. “Ignorance is trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” This surgery can be the tool that breaks the cycle of trying the same things and just hoping for an improved result.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

Just wanted to say I had this surgery 4 years ago and it is the best thing that I could have ever done!!! I have lost 160 pounds and have kept it off... I feel so much better, I am so much healthier that it is incredible... I fought with my weight my whole life and this life changing surgery is amazing!!!!

Thank you for writing this blog. I have spent the last four months going through this process just like you. I am scheduled to have the surgery on October 14th and I am both happy and nervous. I know that I am doing the best thing for my health. Two of my older sisters have had the surgery. They have been successful. I don't want to brake the ground of diabetes. I am a little worried about what co-workers will say but I am thinking about what is best for me. Please continue to write your blogs as we go through the process. Lynn

-Linda G

What's the Cost of a Lie?

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 14:20:24 GMT

I know this blog entry may seem a bit off-topic as it is not specific to me. But it touches on some topics that are near and dear to my heart. It touches on weight loss surgery, truthfulness and law enforcement officers. Please click on the link below to read about the story.

http://www.oregonlive.com/news/oregonian/index.ssf?/base/new s/121669711511520.xml&coll=7#continu

Once you have read the story, I would invite you to click on the link below as well. This will take you to a weight loss surgery forum and support group. The site is, “ObesityHelp.com”, and I have found it to be a great resource of encouragement and information. I encourage you to read the comments of the members. This occurrence has ruffled feathers for many different reasons. But I think you will gain some valuable insight from others who are walking this road.

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/a,messageboard/action,replies/board_id,4856/cat_id,4456/topic_id,3676826/

As someone in law enforcement, I hate to see a fellow officer lose their job. But what I hate more is ANYONE who brings dishonor or shame to our field. As a society, we choose to focus on the negative, we always do. And, unfortunately, there are officers who do negative things. The problem I have with this is that one lie, one bad choice, brings shame to all of us. It is not just the reputation of the officer involved that is tarnished, it is the job itself. Comments made in this thread alone prove that out. Christina W. states that it is a well-known fact that officers by nature are dishonest. We lie in interrogations, we lie in investigations, and we lie on the stand. T states, "I know officers who stop ladies for bogus reasons just to get phone numbers, have affairs, use excessive force, plant evidence, concoct stories, etc."

As someone who has served my community for over 15 years, how am I supposed to react to that? Do I have co-workers that lie? Sure. Do I have co-workers that may overstep the lines of their authority? Sure. Can anyone tell me that they don't have some co-workers who have the exact same problem?

When you hire a police officer, you are hiring a human being. And since there has been only one to walk this Earth without fault, there is always the potential for bad hires. If you say to me that the majority of my co-workers are dishonest liars, and that excuses this officer’s dishonesty then at a minimum I would say that you are uniformed and your logic is flawed. Are there bad cops? Yes. Are there also bad pizza delivery guys, doctors, and garbage men?

Yes. As to her lying, I have a big problem with this. There was no reason to lie. Everyone who has seen a doctor in the last ten years knows about HIPAA. We know that we do not have to disclose specific information about health issues to employees, employers or anyone else. She could have simply said "I need an emergency medical procedure." No one made her give a reason. No one asked her for specifics. She volunteered this info. She made the call to get the money. They asked what it was for. She told a lie. The "evil police department" didn't make her tell them anything. She made a conscious decision to lie. And her reason was that she didn't want to be "ribbed" for this surgery.

So it was a choice that her honesty and reputation were less important than possible teasing. This to me speaks to integrity. Are you willing to suffer some teasing and ridicule to preserve your sense of self? If you're not, then you do not belong behind a badge.

My last thought is simply this: How does she expect to succeed at this surgery if she will not even be honest with her children as to what is happening? How can you expect to succeed at WLS if it is based on a lie and you try to live a lie covering it up? She didn't just keep this from co-workers; she kept it from friends, family and children. Doesn't it strike anyone here that there are obviously some other issues going on? And as a matter of disclosure, I work for a department at least the size of Portland's. And yes my co-workers are aware of my pending surgery. And yes, I have been the subject of jokes and backtalk. And to that I say, "So darn what?"

I would welcome and look forward to any comments from those that read this blog. Please click on the feedback link and let me know what you think. I think there is much to be discussed in this occurrence and I am sure there are many strong opinions. You don’t have to agree with me, but I would love to hear your thoughts.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

Hi Scott! I've been following your blog for a while and look forward to your continued updates. I'm facing a similar issue--I have to have surgery and will be out of work for 2 weeks and I don't want to tell my employer why. The problem is that my doctor excuse will show the doctor name and will "give away" some things (I also work at the Medical College). I can see why she would lie--some things are very private and we feel we "need" to give some sort of explanation to our employers from fear of feeling guilty, I think.

Approved, now what?

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 18:55:34 GMT

Well, while on vacation, I received the news. I have officially been approved for my weight loss surgery with Dr. Wallace. It was a bit of an ordeal. I was originally submitted by Dr. Wallace's office in mid-June. After a week, I called WPS to check on the status. For some reason, WPS had no record of receiving the information. So after a call to Keri, Dr. Wallace's great Admin Asst., I was resubmitted by the end of the business day. And then the stalking began.

I began calling WPS every other day to check on the status. After about 100 days, I finally received the news. Wait, it may have felt like 100 days but I think it was only 10. We received the news while in the north woods camping. I can say that I really didn't believe WPS until I saw the acceptance in writing when we got home.

Once I received the news, the reality of this surgery really set in. Up to this point, I just assumed there would be some problem. There would be a health issue that would hold things up, the insurance would deny the claim, who knows what. I just expected some road block to pop up. Once the reality set it, I was filled with joy, anticipation and...

fear.

The Wait Begins ...

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 09:03:07 GMT

So, here we are in June and I am finally submitted to my insurance and awaiting approval. It seems like this has been going on for a lot longer than it really has. I have to remember that it was less than a year ago that I begun this journey.

So let’s review what I have done to this point. The first and most important thing is research. Lots and lots of research. Take the time to read about the different procedures and options that are available. Use the internet for all it’s worth. There is a vast world of information regarding weight loss surgery out there for us. Review the doctors, their programs and their staff. You can find many in-depth reviews from actual patients about their experiences with the medical professionals they have worked with. Take the time to educate yourself. I am still seeing the value of taking my time and learning as much as I could before I took the next step. Just remember, discernment is the key.

At the orientation is where the process really begins. That’s when I started to feel that this may be a reality. I began to really see that I didn’t have to continue life on this path. There is help. There are options, and they are not just for other people.

Then there were the tests. Education from the dietitian. The reality check of what was entailed in succeeding after the surgery. Realizing that the surgery is simply a tool. Without complete lifestyle changes, there is no way this surgery can do what it needs to do. Then a psych evaluation. Did I really understand what I was embarking on? Did I have realistic expectations for the surgery? An abdominal ultrasound. Four days spent worrying if the results would show some unknown reason that I was not a good candidate for the surgery.

This was all in addition to 6 months of continuous check-up’s with my own doctor. A requirement of the insurance company before considering a surgical option.

So now, we wait. I was submitted to the insurance last week. I wasn’t very concerned about approval before that. But now that I am waiting for the answer, it seems to be taking forever. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified that I am going to be denied. I have tried so many different things to loss this weight and become healthier. Unfortunately, all roads have led me to my current obese state. I know this is just a tool, but it seems to be a tool that I desperately need. A tool that could completely change whatever time I am blessed to have on this Earth. A tool that could literally be the difference between life and death.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

I'm awaiting your response.....I pray that things work in your favor.

So, Am I Crazy?

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 08:36:32 GMT

The next step in my weight loss surgery journey was a psychiatric evaluation. I have known for a fairly long time that I was overweight. I even have a fairly good idea how it happened. I think it had something to do with eating more food that was less nutritionally sound combined with decreasing activity levels. There was no mystery to me as to how I got this way. And I wasn’t sure what a psych eval could tell me to help with this.

Some people are emotional eaters. Some people are binge eaters. I am sure there is a number of other medical and psychological reasons people abuse food. As hard as I have racked my brain over the years, I have only come up with one real reason I eat the way I do. It is because I like food, and usually not the “healthy” type either. Pretty simple really. So simple, it sometimes drives me crazy. I wish I could find a mental or physical reason for my habits. It would make me feel better, I think, if I could put my finger on something specific.

The psych interview was not really what I expected. I thought I would be drilled about why I thought I was overweight, you know, the real reason. And in reality I just didn’t have a great reason. I didn’t think, “Well doc, I like Solly’s” would cut it. We did talk a little about my eating habits, but this was not the overwhelming theme of the visit.

We spent much more time talking about family history. Addressing the risk factors of not only myself, but my family as well. We talked about why I thought I needed this surgery. We talked about the impact this would have on my wife and children. The changes that would be made by default to them as well. We talked about what kind of support I had for after surgery. Most importantly, we talked about what my hopes were for this surgery. Did I have a good understanding of the surgery and did I have realistic expectations for what the surgery would do?

Before I knew it, the hour was up. I felt a new found confidence in my understanding and expectations of weight loss surgery. As I walked out, I realized that there was no profound realization of why I eat the way I do. It’s OK that the reason I eat this way is simply by habit and comfort of what I like. It is not acceptable and it needs to change, but there didn’t need to be an epiphany. I was reminded though of something I read from another person who has had this surgery. “There is no food that tastes as good as healthy feels”. That is something I am looking forward to finding out myself.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

Good Luck Scott. I had RNY by Dr. Wallace 2 years ago this month. It continues to be a challenge to keep the weight off but I am grateful everyday that I had the opportunity to have the surgery and get the weight off.

It is life changing and life saving.

- Mary

A Dietitian's Jolt

Tue, 20 May 2008 09:14:49 GMT

So, after my initial consult with Dr. Wallace, the next step was meeting the staff dietitian. And here is where the proverbial slap upside the head came. One of the first things she does is hold up a 2- liter bottle. She tells me that my stomach is at least this big. That image put a whole new light on things. Picture carrying around a 2- liter bottle strapped to your belt. Think of what it takes to fill that up. That is just a scary thought.

Now we move on to the “meat” of the appointment. I explain to her that animals that are smaller than me really don’t count as meat. That disqualifies fish, chicken, and pork (that is with a few exceptions). For it to really be considered meat, it has to have been larger than me at some point in its existence. Cows count, buffalo count, even deer count. Although I don’t hunt them, we are more than happy to indulge in them. She explains to me that meat is something that is different for each person. Some are able to tolerate small amounts after adjusting to the surgery. Some are never able to eat this again without causing discomfort. I can just picture the animal kingdom collectively laughing at me at this point.

Then we talk about a golden rule. The 10 and 10 rule. I should eat nothing that has more than 10 grams of fat or 10 grams of sugar per serving. That doesn’t sound so tough. That is until she begins showing me labels. A LOT of those things I thought were healthy alternatives are not at all. A simple granola bar is disqualified due to the sugar content. I suppose they need the sugar to make the rabbit food appealing. All those great healthy protein and breakfast bars? Off the menu due to either fat or sugar content. Needless to say, I now understand where the no fast food rule comes in. I challenge any of you to walk into a fast food restaurant and find one thing that meets this criteria.

But then something strange happened. She began to go over the pre-operative menu. It actually had real food. And a good amount of food I like. That was strange and unexpected. There is a sample menu, and the majority of it was highlighted by me as things I like.

So the question is, can I live with these adjustments to my diet? I guess more importantly, how long can I live if I don’t make these changes? I am under no illusion that this will be easy. I know it will be a learning experience. I know it will be a road my family and I have to walk together. But really the choice is either learn to walk this road or risk not being able to walk any road in the future.

First Impressions ...

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 14:29:23 GMT

It was back in October when I decided to seriously pursue weight-loss surgery as an option. My first call was to my health insurance company. There was a half hour of my life I will never get back.

My next call was to our family doctor to check for a referral. I was originally referred to a doctor who was part of our main medical group. As I continued doing my research though, I found myself looking at Dr. James Wallace and the Bariatric Surgery Program at Froedtert & the Medical College of Wisconsin. As coincidence had it, two of the only people I knew that have had the surgery were patients of Dr. Wallace's. No amount of research can equal firsthand reports.

My wife and I attended the orientation in November. Some things seemed pretty simple. Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day. Done. Chew each bite of your food at least 30 times. A bit of a change from my gulp and swallow technique, but I can do this. Increase protein? I can do that, just eat more red meat (my kind of diet).

Then came the hits. No red meat (at least for the first year). There goes that special cow diet I had planned. No doughy bread products? Are doughnuts really a doughy bread product? Increased risk for gall stones? Great, they can form a little stone co-op with my kidney stones.

The orientation was every bit of three hours long and at the end I still had questions. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't intimidated by the procedure after the orientation.

After a break for lunch, we met with Dr. Wallace for the one-on-one consult. The nurse took a history and my vitals. My blood pressure was 180 / 110. OK, the orientation was intimidating, but let's get real. My wife thought I was actually having a heart attack right on the spot. Thankfully, the nurse took a manual blood pressure and I was cured. Gotta love that technology. I would’ve paid money to see what my wife's blood pressure shot up to during that short time.

Dr. Wallace was very thorough and genuinely listened to my wife and me. He addressed the questions we had ready for him and seemed to have a strong confidence without crossing the line into arrogance. There was one thing that Dr. Wallace and his staff made abundantly clear. This surgery is not a cure. It is a tool, and like any tool it will only work as well as the operator that is handling it.

Next week, I will talk about the next steps in the process.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

Way to go Scott!!! I also happened upon your adventure while searching for employment as well. Looking forward to reading your continued entries. Much success to you!
- Philomena Wirtz

Life-Changing Moments

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 21:46:26 GMT

In every life, there are moments that shake us. Moments that rock us to our very core. These moments generally offer us an opportunity to learn and grow. There are lessons to be learned in the painful moments we encounter. The problem sometimes is that we are so blinded by the moment that we loose the ability to see beyond it. I experienced one of those moments this week.

Last week, a good friend of mine died. This was a man who appeared to be in good health. He was relatively young and in good shape. No history of health issues. He felt like he had the flu. Two days later, his wife took him to the hospital. He died as he was being evaluated in the emergency room. The news of his death was one of those moments that knock the breath out of you.

Why do I mention this? What could it have to do with weight loss surgery? Simply this, I realized that life is too short to be tied to my obesity. None of us knows how much time we will be given on this Earth. But the time we have is ours to make choices with.

Do I want to continue to live with the restrictions that come with being overweight? Do I want to continue to let my weight dictate the decisions I make on a daily basis? Do I want to allow my weight to impact not only me, but my family as well? I don't know how many Big Mac's I am away from a heart attack, but do I really want to find out?

Up to this point of my life, I have allowed my weight to win the battle. I have quit, I have surrendered, and until now, I had accepted that this is one fight I am not meant to win. This surgery is more than a tool. It is me standing up and saying that I will continue to fight. Who knows, after the surgery I could be the skinny guy that gets hit by a bus. But what I have realized is that what matters is how I live the moments until that point. Am I going to live defeated, accepting this half life as the best there is? Or I am going to leave this Earth knowing that I took full advantage of the time I was given?

Why Surgery? Why Now?

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 18:53:06 GMT

After my initial consult with Dr. Wallace and the team at Froedtert, I called my urologist to get his input regarding the surgery. I spoke to his longtime office assistant and told her why I wanted to speak with the doctor. I have known this woman for over 10 years now. Her reaction was one of shock at what I was considering.

"Why on Earth would you do that Scott? You're really not that overweight! You are not obese!"

After a moment, I realized how absurd it was that I was actually debating the fact of my obesity with someone. In hindsight, I find it humorous that I was having a schoolyard argument with someone in the medical field about my weight. "You are not fat!" Yes, I am, so there!

So why surgery? Why now? Unlike a lot of people who have had weight loss surgery, there was no defining moment when I realized I had to do this. For me, it has been a series of events over the last fifteen years of my life. There are certainly moments though that stand out in my mind. Going to Great America years ago and finding out that I couldn't go on certain rides because they could not safely secure the harness around me. Taking my family to a NASCAR Speedpark and not being able to ride in the go carts with them because I didn't fit. Being afraid that if I gained one more size, I wouldn't be able to get a duty belt I needed for work. Going in for a kidney stone surgery and being told that I was too big for the lithotripsy machine. And when they took me to a different machine, not fitting in the equipment. Having the seat welds break on a new car after only a few months. I can promise that those of you who have not struggled with your weight do not understand the humiliation of things like this.

You also can not imagine how this is an everyday struggle. Not being able to fit in a chair at work. Being afraid that even if you do fit, it is going to break under your weight. Trying to fit into a car that is not made for people your size. Putting off buying clothes because you really don't want to make another trip to the "Big Man" shop. My weight is a consideration in almost every decision I make on a daily basis.

So when I reflect on all of the things I've missed out on in life, the effect my weight has on the simplest daily activities, and the humiliation that goes along with the "oh crap!" moments, the question changes from, "Why now?" to "Why not sooner?"

A Change of Heart

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 08:14:18 GMT

So what was the catalyst for exploring bariatric surgery? Well, it's not like I woke up one morning and had an epiphany about my weight. I didn't look in the mirror a few months ago and suddenly realize for the first time in my life that I was obese. Trust me when I tell you that the secret is out. I know that I weigh 365 pounds. There is no denial involved here. I don't think there ever has been.

I have however been blessed with a wife and children who love me for who I am, not what I weigh. I know all the self-help theories. "You have to want to change for yourself, not for others." Blah, blah, blah. Obviously I have to make a decision to change myself. But it is easier to ignore the hard facts staring back at you when those around you don't seem to mind.

I have reached a point where I do want to change for myself. But I can't deny that I am making this change just as much for the benefit of those around me. As much as I didn't have a flash of inspiration, some things have become very clear to me. I confess to being a Christian. But what kind of Christian can I be at this weight? As a man of God, my family should be one of the most important things to me in this world. By risking diabetes, heart disease, and possibly premature death, what kind of father and husband am I? By being overweight, what kind of increased risk am I exposed to at work? How can I profess to the healing power of Christ while eating myself into an early grave?

Yes, I have to change for myself. But just like every other decision we make in life, there is a domino effect. This surgery will be a change where I fully expect to see a dramatic improvement in my quality of life. Anything that improves my quality of life will have a direct and positive impact on the quality of life of those around me. Adversely, if I do nothing, the negative consequences will ripple through the lives of everyone I know as well as those I will never have the benefit of meeting. I may not have had an epiphany, but I certainly have evolved in accepting that my poor choices could have very real consequences to many people beyond myself.

The following is feedback received for this blog:

Scott, I was simply attempting to access the website for employment purposes, when I saw your photo, and thought, "Gee, that looks a lot like Scott Youngblood!". I read what you wrote, and I can definitely relate. All I really can say is that I've discovered that general diets never worked for me either, and that I learned why.The way I see it is that everybody, as well as every body is different. That is to say that one would not maintenance a Porsche the same way one would a Dodge. Nor does one put in the same types of fluids or even the same gasoline. If this is true, how can a universal diet work on an individual basis? I've found what at least works best for me: A bit of the gym, dancing (really works), and a food intake system that I got out of a publication. But even this I needed to personalize. What this all boils down to, Scott, is keep trying, and tweek everything until it starts to work, then tweek it again. Then, do what the nurses tell you! Lastly, don't worry, if you are even half the father/husband that you are when I see you, then I really have a problem discerning who, in fact, is more blessed, you, or your family. Keep pushin', your the best.

-Mez

A First Step Taken

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 17:33:35 GMT

Other than when I was a small child I don’t recall ever being small. As a freshman in high school I was 6’02” and 225lbs. I was always fortunate to be tall and large framed. There was always the built-in excuse that I didn’t look heavy for my height. Comments like, “You don’t weigh that much, do you?” have been a part of my life for over 20 years. That was always just enough to make me feel that my weight wasn’t that big of an issue. Obviously, I was wrong. Even once I knew I was grossly overweight, people would say, “Yeah, but your tall”, as if this somehow made me less fat.

For over fifteen years, I have been trying different things to lose my weight. The list is long and intensive. As I sit here and reflect on these attempts, I can’t tell you the frustration, disappointment and shame that I feel. I have learned a few valuable lessons though. Those diet shakes are great, especially if you drink a couple to get you through that pesky downtime between meals. The four food group’s diet doesn’t work either. I know this because those tacos on the Taco Bell diet had all four food groups at once and I still gained weight. Also, the exercise benefit of walking is usually negated by what you take out of the fridge when you get up and walk to it.

The realities of the risk factors in my life are frightening as well. My dad has been overweight most of my life. He had a stroke before he was 60. Three of his brothers and sisters have died of heart disease prematurely. I watched my mother have quadruple heart bypass eleven years ago before she was 55. She also has been overweight most of my life. When you look at my family history, it amazes me that our cat and dog lived as long as they did. As for my own risk factors and symptoms, there are the obvious ones. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, severe sleep apnea. One of the not so common ones is chronic kidney stones that are aggravated by my weight and diet. To say that my weight adds stress and anxiety to our family is an understatement.

Most importantly, my obesity affects the everyday events of my life. I am a father of three young children. There are games I can’t play with them. My weight constantly interferes with my daily activities with my family. In future weeks I will talk honestly and openly about my weight. More importantly, I will discuss my journey as I walk towards bariatric surgery. I am not a medical expert. I offer no medical diagnosis or answers. What I will offer is honest discussion and views of a man who has struggled with his weight for a lifetime and is now beginning the process of doing something about it.

As I chronicle my journey, please feel free to leave me your thoughts through the feedback link below each post. I won't be able to answer all comments, but I will answer some and the comments will help me with ideas on this blog.