Sexual Healing by Dr. Margarita Kressin

My friends and I gather at Alterra at the Lake on a cold Sunday morning. We try to get together at least once a month, to catch up —what everyone has been up to since the last coffee klatch, who had a bad date, who is on the road to date number two, who lost weight, who gained weight, what’s going on at work, who hates their job, what is going on with our significant others and our pets.

We are arguably the most animated table in the coffee shop, hands are flying, the laughter is infectious, three conversations going on at once, coffee cups with varying degrees of consumption decorate the table. The energy is palpable.

We are quite a sight I’m sure; a veritable Benetton commercial. We have a red-head, two blonds, several brunettes, a straight Catholic guy, a gay Jewish guy, a married Asian girl (that’s me), two Lutherans (Missouri and Wisconsin synods both represented), an Episcopalian by marriage, a born-again Christian.

Republicans and Democrats break bread together. Four of us are married, four singles, several of us have children (one human, seven canines, three felines, and there may be a hawk thrown in there somewhere), one actively dating, one pining, one in a new relationship, and one recently broken up.

There are two doctors, a nurse, several computer-somethings or other, several in sales and marketing, an ex-real estate mogul, and a straight opera singer from New Jersey.

The conversations flow continuously, and we hit one person at a time covering the recent event in our lives.

At any given point during this soiree, the one constant that is always a topic of conversation is sex. It may be a casual, short, to-the-point question: Did you get any? It can be deep and borderline philosophical: When does the line between friendship and love blur, and does it necessarily involve a sexual relationship?

It also never ceases to amaze me that it doesn’t matter whether we are single, married, gay, straight, in or out of a relationship, there is always a sexual question, a titillating controversy or intrigue, a carnal pearl to share.

And so to my coffee klatch friends, this is my ode to you.

What I have learned about sex, I learned from my friends:
I am blessed to have them.
They come in different shapes and sizes.
Religion and politics can mix.
You need to keep the connection constant.
You sometimes have to schedule them.
It takes work to make them happen.
You make them a priority.
Sometimes you need to be encouraged and sometimes you do the encouraging.
Sometimes chemicals are involved (coffee, chocolate, alcohol, Viagra …)
Sometimes they get sassy, sometimes they are sweet and gentle.
Sometimes you are the active participant, sometimes more passive.
Although it can happen, it is rarely a dull moment.
When life gets busy and you don’t make it to a meeting one time, you try and try to make it to the next.
You need to be flexible, both in the true and literal sense of the word.
There may be tears or laughter involved.
There may be some apologizing.
There may be some screaming.
There may be praises and clapping and pivoting.
And, finally, even though you don’t feel like it and you have a million things to do after, the benefits achieved from participating are priceless.