Sexual Healing by Dr. Margarita Kressin

It’s been a while since I have written a blog, and I do apologize. I could come up with a million excuses but the bottom line is it was not a priority in the last few months of 2010. There are two lessons to be gathered from this.

1. Women sometimes have to be selfish and take care of themselves. Many of my patients come to the clinic saying they love their husband, they would like to have sex, they would like to give him what he wants — BUT ...
   
   a. I’m too busy
   b. I’m too tired
   c. I have to take care of the kids and by the time I’m done, I barely have time for me
   d. I have to work and I have nothing left when I come home
   e. He doesn’t help and so I have to do everything
   f. I have to go to Pick 'n Save, Target, Boston Store, kids’ (name that sport or lesson)
   
   In some cases, it has gotten so bad that some women don’t even have the time to go to the doctor, dentist, get a haircut. Sex, therefore, goes to the bottom of the list. And I can’t blame them. I get tired just listening to them.
   
   Unfortunately, women are wired to do everything, take care of everyone; often at the cost of their health, their sanity, their relationship, themselves.
   
   Now, I am not advocating these magnificent (because what else could they be) women completely neglect their children or job, but there is only so much time to do everything. So, women, be kind to ourselves and give ourselves the gift of time, to take care of ourselves; sometimes at the expense of certain duties or assignments or obligations. So, I apologize, but the blog was what needed to give.
   
   
2. Women sometimes need to prioritize their husband, their relationship, and sex. I know, I know, refer back to No. 1. I do believe; however, those things that are important to us are the things we choose to devote time and energy. I would argue that our partner, the person we chose to spend the rest of our life with, to build a family with, is an important person to give notice to. It does not have to be a three-hour sex romp (although if you have the time and energy, go for it), but a few minutes to acknowledge them. I have said this in the past: Schedule date night, schedule sex if you have to. We schedule everything else anyway.
   
   Also, it does not have to be sex. It could be an act of kindness. One example is this: My husband and I were going to run our half marathon and he needed nip guards. Nip guards are like pasties for runners so their nipples don’t bleed because of friction from rubbing against their shirts, especially during distance running. (If you have not seen bloody nipples during a marathon, it is not a pretty sight.) Well, we went to three sporting and running stores, and, for some reason, they are impossible to find in Milwaukee. It was too late to order online. So, the next day, I called about five stores (which, by the way, trying to explain nip guards to non-runners generated a lot of giggles on the other end of the phone ... really?) before I found a store that carried them. I then bought the only nip guards, seemingly, in the greater Milwaukee area and gave them to him. It was time I needed to invest for us. It wasn’t really a big “present,” but it was a big deal for him … and for his nipples.
   
   And I do acknowledge him when he does things like shovel, brush the snow off my car, take the dogs out when it’s 8 degrees. It does work both ways. My husband and I are careful not to take each other for granted. Complacency can be the start of indifference and resentment.

So, in conclusion, it is sometimes necessary to be selfish for yourself, for your partner, for your relationship, for sex. And it is not a bad thing.