Sexual Healing by Dr. Margarita Kressin

Here’s the story:

Jack meets Jill. They fall in love. They get married; start a family. She stays at home to take care of the kids and the home. He goes to work and tries to provide for the family. They prosper. They continue with their roles. At some point, they start to lose touch. She buries herself in making the home, raising responsible children, participating in her own activities (PTA, book club, gardening …). He consumes himself with his work. He spends more and more time at the office. He spends more time with his co-workers and his secretary than he does his wife. He comes home exhausted, with nothing else to give.

The kids grow up. They leave the home. One day, our couple realizes they are home alone … together for the first time in 20 years. They look at each other. They have no idea who this person is. Worse, they have some resentment towards each other.

They come to the clinic wanting to revamp their sex life.

How does our medical team approach our couple? Stay tuned.

When I counsel patients and couples or give talks, I always say that we have a saying in urology: If you don't use it, you lose it.
 
I am specifically talking about erectile dysfunction. There is just no other way to get that kind of blood flow to the penis except having an erection. I also ask patients about morning erections, given that they are a good indication of erectile function.
 
That being said, I am attaching an article from US News and World Report. This was a Finnish study by Dr. Juha Koskimki, from Tampere University Hospital's Department of Urology:

http://health.usnews.com/articles/health/healthday/2008/07/03/lots-of-sex-may-prevent-erectile-dysfunction.html

To borrow from Nike: Just Use It.

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The following is feedback received for this blog: I can say from personal experience that this is absolutely true. Erection quality suffers as a result of disuse.   Many men are conscientious about conditioning other parts of their body, so, why not their penises? - Kiernan

It can be very easy to take your partner (spouse, significant other, fiancée, boy/girlfriend) for granted, especially if you have been together for a long time (what that time frame is can be very different for everybody). One way this can happen is the time we spend with said partner becomes shorter as other people, events, life, take place.
 
The reason I am discussing this is that some patients wonder why their sex life is starting to diminish. When asked about their history, they often have kids, work (sometimes more than one job), and are involved in countless activities — whether it be their kids' activities (soccer moms) or their own (book clubs, PTA, etc...).
 
I too am guilty of this phenomenon. I find myself spending Sunday morning with my friends for coffee since my husband is typically working on the house. However, we make sure we have date night once a week. We have the luxury of not having children. I have patients who have to work two jobs to support themselves or have three children under the age of five.
 
It takes a lot of effort to spend time with your partner, however, it doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive or particularly long either. Take five minutes before going to bed to talk to your spouse. Dinner time (or any mealtime, as long as you guys are together) even with your kids can be a time to share your day. Instead of the next hair cut or golf game, pencil in your spouse.
 
You need that connection to keep a relationship, you need that connection for sex. You need time to make that connection.

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The following is feedback received for this blog: Well put. - John