Going to the Gym
Libido or sex drive in women is a difficult thing to paint plainly. There have been three sexual models that have been proposed to try to explain sexual function in women: the Linear Model, Basson’s circular model and Rosen’s biosociophysical model.
The linear model goes like this: We start with being sexual stimulated (visually or tactile), then get aroused which heightens. Then orgasm comes and then recovery. Few women, we think, respond this way. This fits more males and how they respond sexually.
The Basson model takes a neural women (neither aroused nor stimulated), but then arousal can come via foreplay, massage, etc. … then libido follows. We think more women respond this way than the linear model.
A good analogy to this theory is like going to the gym. Let’s face it, very few of us want to exercise (author included). But we get dressed, put on our shoes, drive to the gym or go outside and begin exercising. Whether we run, use the elliptical or treadmill, or use weights, in the beginning it is somewhat painful. And, at times, we try to talk our way out of it. Then the heart rate goes up. We start to feel good. We start sweating, get into a rhythm, and actually get into it. Sometimes you feel so good, you keep going, longer than what you had planned. Then the run ends, you're sweating, you feel good, the endorphins are going and then you say, "Wow, that was awesome! Why don’t I do this everyday?!" Sex is like this.
I tell my patients and their partners to not expect that the women will start initiating sex. But, sometimes, all it needs is a little foreplay, a little motivation. Help her get her sneakers on and put her on the treadmill. The goal is to enjoy it once the treadmill starts going, and for her to stay on it long enough to feel good.
Posted 2:14 PM