Sexual Healing by Dr. Margarita Kressin

I do think that there is a range of sexuality. Much like anything else out there, I think sexuality has a huge gray area and not so black and white. I have met women who are what we like to call “high T” women or high testosterone women. Samantha from Sex and the City comes to mind as an archetypal representation. Then there are those that think sex is good, but consider themselves not very sexual in general.

Why do I bring this up? It seems that there is a belief that perhaps our clinic can change one’s tendencies. As my chairman says to his pre-prostatectomy patients (these are men about to undergo prostate surgery for prostate cancer, and generally they have questions regarding sexual function after the procedure): if you don’t play the piano before the surgery, you ain’t gonna play it afterwards.

Now there are women who are by nature sexual and who for whatever reason — whether it is their partner, health reasons, psychosocial changes — change their habits. We also find that these are the women who are devastated when their sexuality is diminished because of the aforementioned factors.

Then there are those who in their nature will never be very sexual. There is nothing wrong with that but it is an unfair expectation to think that we can change that. Another way to put it is this: You know how there is always one person in your department or office who is always funny and witty and whatever comes out of his/her mouth is always catchy and hilarious and people gravitate toward him/her? They grab attention, because they have that inherent quality. I would like to be that person. I will never be that person because it’s not in my nature. As hard as I try (and there are days when I am darn funny), I will never be that kind of person. One of my partners is like that, so is one of our chief residents. It’s part of their personalities, and they don’t even have to try. I can take lessons on how to tell a joke or story-telling, but I will never reach that kind of natural repartee.

I don’t mean to imply that if women are not happy with their sex life they should just accept it. I emphasize the importance of getting checked especially if this is a change they have recently noticed. I just want to put forth a realistic view of sexuality and of what the medical community can do. There is definitely better living through chemistry. But I have yet to find a pill that will make me play the piano.