Sexual Healing by Dr. Margarita Kressin

Remember Jack and Jill? Our couple presents to our clinic wanting us to fix them. I applaud them that at least they came in together. They are at least aware that they both needed help.

Our sex therapist started with them first. All the anger, resentment, frustration came out. They would argue in front of me and our sex therapist. Blame and insult start flying.

At this point, our sex therapist and I agree that sex should be the last thing they should be working on right now. They need to like each other first.

Their first assignment was to spend 30 minutes a day together alone. They are to talk, not argue. They can talk about the weather, how their day is going, the grocery list; it does not matter. They just cannot argue. It was deplorable how much time they spent arguing compared to time they spent talking to each other with civility. It was also shocking how little time they truly spent with each other.
 
Mind you, at this juncture in their life, they are both retired. Jack spent more time on his lawnmower and Jill spent more time with her hairdresser than they did with each other.

This is what they did for the next three months, nothing else. Sometimes we have to start from scratch. Relationships, and sex for that matter, are living entities. They need to be tended to and taken care of. They need to change as life situations change. When neglected, disaster happens … sometimes they start to die. And really, one cannot expect a dying thing to just spring up to life and start jigging.

We have a ways to go for Jack and Jill. It took them 30 years to get their relationship to this point, so an overnight success or a magic pill is just not going to happen. With time and care, we hope to get them to liking each other … and having sex eventually.