Thoughts from the Happy Fat Guy

It was back in October when I decided to seriously pursue weight-loss surgery as an option. My first call was to my health insurance company. There was a half hour of my life I will never get back. 

My next call was to our family doctor to check for a referral. I was originally referred to a doctor who was part of our main medical group. As I continued doing my research though, I found myself looking at Dr. James Wallace and the Bariatric Surgery Program at Froedtert & the Medical College of Wisconsin. As coincidence had it, two of the only people I knew that have had the surgery were patients of Dr. Wallace's. No amount of research can equal firsthand reports.

My wife and I attended the orientation in November. Some things seemed pretty simple. Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day. Done. Chew each bite of your food at least 30 times. A bit of a change from my gulp and swallow technique, but I can do this. Increase protein? I can do that, just eat more red meat (my kind of diet).

Then came the hits. No red meat (at least for the first year). There goes that special cow diet I had planned. No doughy bread products? Are doughnuts really a doughy bread product? Increased risk for gall stones? Great, they can form a little stone co-op with my kidney stones. 

The orientation was every bit of three hours long and at the end I still had questions. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't intimidated by the procedure after the orientation.   

After a break for lunch, we met with Dr. Wallace for the one-on-one consult. The nurse took a history and my vitals. My blood pressure was 180 / 110. OK, the orientation was intimidating, but let's get real. My wife thought I was actually having a heart attack right on the spot. Thankfully, the nurse took a manual blood pressure and I was cured. Gotta love that technology. I would’ve paid money to see what my wife's blood pressure shot up to during that short time. 

Dr. Wallace was very thorough and genuinely listened to my wife and me. He addressed the questions we had ready for him and seemed to have a strong confidence without crossing the line into arrogance. There was one thing that Dr. Wallace and his staff made abundantly clear. This surgery is not a cure. It is a tool, and like any tool it will only work as well as the operator that is handling it.

Next week, I will talk about the next steps in the process.

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The following is feedback received for this blog: Way to go Scott!!! I also happened upon your adventure while searching for employment as well. Looking forward to reading your continued entries. Much success to you! - Philomena Wirtz

In every life, there are moments that shake us. Moments that rock us to our very core. These moments generally offer us an opportunity to learn and grow. There are lessons to be learned in the painful moments we encounter. The problem sometimes is that we are so blinded by the moment that we loose the ability to see beyond it. I experienced one of those moments this week.

Last week, a good friend of mine died. This was a man who appeared to be in good health. He was relatively young and in good shape. No history of health issues. He felt like he had the flu. Two days later, his wife took him to the hospital. He died as he was being evaluated in the emergency room. The news of his death was one of those moments that knock the breath out of you.

Why do I mention this? What could it have to do with weight loss surgery? Simply this, I realized that life is too short to be tied to my obesity. None of us knows how much time we will be given on this Earth. But the time we have is ours to make choices with.

Do I want to continue to live with the restrictions that come with being overweight? Do I want to continue to let my weight dictate the decisions I make on a daily basis? Do I want to allow my weight to impact not only me, but my family as well? I don't know how many Big Mac's I am away from a heart attack, but do I really want to find out?  

Up to this point of my life, I have allowed my weight to win the battle.  I have quit, I have surrendered, and until now, I had accepted that this is one fight I am not meant to win. This surgery is more than a tool. It is me standing up and saying that I will continue to fight. Who knows, after the surgery I could be the skinny guy that gets hit by a bus. But what I have realized is that what matters is how I live the moments until that point. Am I going to live defeated, accepting this half life as the best there is? Or I am going to leave this Earth knowing that I took full advantage of the time I was given?     

After my initial consult with Dr. Wallace and the team at Froedtert, I called my urologist to get his input regarding the surgery. I spoke to his longtime office assistant and told her why I wanted to speak with the doctor. I have known this woman for over 10 years now. Her reaction was one of shock at what I was considering.

"Why on Earth would you do that Scott? You're really not that overweight! You are not obese!"

After a moment, I realized how absurd it was that I was actually debating the fact of my obesity with someone. In hindsight, I find it humorous that I was having a schoolyard argument with someone in the medical field about my weight.  "You are not fat!"  Yes, I am, so there!

So why surgery? Why now? Unlike a lot of people who have had weight loss surgery, there was no defining moment when I realized I had to do this. For me, it has been a series of events over the last fifteen years of my life. There are certainly moments though that stand out in my mind. Going to Great America years ago and finding out that I couldn't go on certain rides because they could not safely secure the harness around me. Taking my family to a NASCAR Speedpark and not being able to ride in the go carts with them because I didn't fit. Being afraid that if I gained one more size, I wouldn't be able to get a duty belt I needed for work. Going in for a kidney stone surgery and being told that I was too big for the lithotripsy machine. And when they took me to a different machine, not fitting in the equipment. Having the seat welds break on a new car after only a few months. I can promise that those of you who have not struggled with your weight do not understand the humiliation of things like this.  

You also can not imagine how this is an everyday struggle.  Not being able to fit in a chair at work. Being afraid that even if you do fit, it is going to break under your weight. Trying to fit into a car that is not made for people your size. Putting off buying clothes because you really don't want to make another trip to the "Big Man" shop. My weight is a consideration in almost every decision I make on a daily basis.   

So when I reflect on all of the things I've missed out on in life, the effect my weight has on the simplest daily activities, and the humiliation that goes along with the "oh crap!" moments, the question changes from, "Why now?" to "Why not sooner?"

So what was the catalyst for exploring bariatric surgery? Well, it's not like I woke up one morning and had an epiphany about my weight. I didn't look in the mirror a few months ago and suddenly realize for the first time in my life that I was obese. Trust me when I tell you that the secret is out. I know that I weigh 365 pounds. There is no denial involved here. I don't think there ever has been.

I have however been blessed with a wife and children who love me for who I am, not what I weigh. I know all the self-help theories. "You have to want to change for yourself, not for others." Blah, blah, blah. Obviously I have to make a decision to change myself. But it is easier to ignore the hard facts staring back at you when those around you don't seem to mind.

I have reached a point where I do want to change for myself. But I can't deny that I am making this change just as much for the benefit of those around me. As much as I didn't have a flash of inspiration, some things have become very clear to me. I confess to being a Christian. But what kind of Christian can I be at this weight? As a man of God, my family should be one of the most important things to me in this world. By risking diabetes, heart disease, and possibly premature death, what kind of father and husband am I? By being overweight, what kind of increased risk am I exposed to at work? How can I profess to the healing power of Christ while eating myself into an early grave?

Yes, I have to change for myself. But just like every other decision we make in life, there is a domino effect. This surgery will be a change where I fully expect to see a dramatic improvement in my quality of life. Anything that improves my quality of life will have a direct and positive impact on the quality of life of those around me. Adversely, if I do nothing, the negative consequences will ripple through the lives of everyone I know as well as those I will never have the benefit of meeting. I may not have had an epiphany, but I certainly have evolved in accepting that my poor choices could have very real consequences to many people beyond myself.

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The following is feedback received for this blog:

Scott, I was simply attempting to access the website for employment purposes, when I saw your photo, and thought, "Gee, that looks a lot like Scott Youngblood!". I read what you wrote, and I can definitely relate. All I really can say is that I've discovered that general diets never worked for me either, and that I learned why.The way I see it is that everybody, as well as every body is different. That is to say that one would not maintenance a Porsche the same way one would a Dodge. Nor does one put in the same types of fluids or even the same gasoline. If this is true, how can a universal diet work on an individual basis? I've found what at least works best for me: A bit of the gym, dancing (really works), and a food intake system that I got out of a publication. But even this I needed to personalize. What this all boils down to, Scott, is keep trying, and tweek everything until it starts to work, then tweek it again. Then, do what the nurses tell you! Lastly, don't worry, if you are even half the father/husband that you are when I see you, then I really have a problem discerning who, in fact, is more blessed, you, or your family. Keep pushin', your the best. -Mez

Other than when I was a small child I don’t recall ever being small. As a freshman in high school I was 6’02” and 225lbs. I was always fortunate to be tall and large framed. There was always the built-in excuse that I didn’t look heavy for my height. Comments like, “You don’t weigh that much, do you?” have been a part of my life for over 20 years. That was always just enough to make me feel that my weight wasn’t that big of an issue. Obviously, I was wrong. Even once I knew I was grossly overweight, people would say, “Yeah, but your tall”, as if this somehow made me less fat.

For over fifteen years, I have been trying different things to lose my weight. The list is long and intensive. As I sit here and reflect on these attempts, I can’t tell you the frustration, disappointment and shame that I feel. I have learned a few valuable lessons though. Those diet shakes are great, especially if you drink a couple to get you through that pesky downtime between meals. The four food group’s diet doesn’t work either. I know this because those tacos on the Taco Bell diet had all four food groups at once and I still gained weight. Also, the exercise benefit of walking is usually negated by what you take out of the fridge when you get up and walk to it.

The realities of the risk factors in my life are frightening as well. My dad has been overweight most of my life. He had a stroke before he was 60. Three of his brothers and sisters have died of heart disease prematurely. I watched my mother have quadruple heart bypass eleven years ago before she was 55. She also has been overweight most of my life. When you look at my family history, it amazes me that our cat and dog lived as long as they did. As for my own risk factors and symptoms, there are the obvious ones. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, severe sleep apnea. One of the not so common ones is chronic kidney stones that are aggravated by my weight and diet. To say that my weight adds stress and anxiety to our family is an understatement.

Most importantly, my obesity affects the everyday events of my life. I am a father of three young children. There are games I can’t play with them. My weight constantly interferes with my daily activities with my family. In future weeks I will talk honestly and openly about my weight. More importantly, I will discuss my journey as I walk towards bariatric surgery. I am not a medical expert. I offer no medical diagnosis or answers. What I will offer is honest discussion and views of a man who has struggled with his weight for a lifetime and is now beginning the process of doing something about it.

As I chronicle my journey, please feel free to leave me your thoughts through the feedback link below each post. I won't be able to answer all comments, but I will answer some and the comments will help me with ideas on this blog.