Sexual Healing by Dr. Margarita Kressin

I don’t really know exactly how I knew what I knew about sex when I was growing up. I had one of those classes in 5th grade on sex ed. The boys went to one side of the school; the girls were gathered on the other side in several classrooms. We talked about having your period, the difference between girls and boys, but they actually did not really talk about sex or sexual response.

My mother pretty much delegated what I needed to know regarding my sexuality and sex in general to the schools. I think the parents of today are doing a better job, I hope.
 
I do encourage my female patients to have a conversation with their daughters regarding their bodies. I hope they do tell their daughters to look at their genitals. That it is a body part and like any body part needs to be looked at and maintained. I hope they tell them that sex is a wonderful thing. It is not in and of itself sinful, ugly, a bargaining chip. Sex should not be painful, coercive, manipulative, or forceful.

Sex is a beautiful thing when shared by consenting adults. It’s about giving (and receiving). It is fun and exciting and considerate. It should bring people together and not tear them apart.

Talking about sex does not mean nor does it give our young people permission per se to try it. It is simply information and knowledge. And it is better that they get this information from the parents than misinformation from peers.

(A follow up to the dog analogy and what not to do)

I also have a cat. And as much as I love this cat, it is quite a bizarre kind of relationship. First, I don’t think the cat has really accepted me. He was my husband’s cat, and I felt like I was, and still am, a visitor in his world.

My dogs are rescue dogs adopted when they were both around one-year-old; so it’s not like I raised them from birth. And yet, they attached to me instantly. My older dog met my husband when she was 10, and she is definitely daddy’s girl. So, I think it’s the cat …well ... just being a cat.

The cat meows when he is hungry and stalks me until I feed him. Otherwise, I actually don’t see the cat much. When I come home, I have to call for the cat to see where he is. Sometimes he comes, more often he doesn’t. He shows up and meows during dinner time, though.

He only has 4 teeth so we feed him wet food. But he won’t eat the food if it’s been sitting around and dries up a little. So he typically meows every 2-3 hours since we give him a little food at a time. He's very demanding. When he’s done, he disappears again. No acknowledgment; I feel so used.

He always tries to escape by trying to go outside every chance he gets. He is completely declawed so he would be defenseless. And so we try to protect him, but he clearly does not seem to know that. We are his warden and he must escape.

Worse, we are his servants and must serve him at his beck and call.

He is not a snuggler in general, which I hear is typical for most cats. However, he comes to our bed to “snuggle” around 3:00 am by putting all of his 10 pounds of weight on the one little paw that is pressing on my bladder. (Every time, every single time. I don’t know how he knows to target my relatively full bladder, but he does. And I think he does it on purpose.)

So, don’t be this cat to your partner. Don’t be demanding. Don’t just disappear and then show up at dinner time. Don’t try to escape as if you don’t want to spend time with your loved one. Come and greet them when they come home with enthusiasm. Your partner is neither your warden nor your slave. Know when to shut up, know when to acknowledge a good deed, and know when to give a snuggle at the right time.

Goo’ boy, oh what a goo’ boy!

I read somewhere:

Greet people like you would your dogs.

Can you just imagine what kind of a world this would be if we did greet each other this way? Dog owners and dog lovers right now are smiling. Think about it. Unadulterated, uninhibited, unconditional love.

I made a vow that I would greet my husband this way once a week.

Hi Honey Love! How you doin’?! Come here, come here! Who does momma love?!

(Mind you, these are phrases I totally use to greet my two dogs — with a voice easily an octave higher than my speaking voice.) The first time I did this, my husband looked at me like I was crazy. (A look I am quite used to, by the way.) Since he is accustomed to me doing some bizarre experiment or behavior from time to time at home, he responded:

And how is my little girl … did my girl have a good day?! Who’s your daddy?!

We just started cracking up. I explained what I was doing. I got the “you are so certifiable” look again. But I didn’t care. I could feel the tension drop from both our shoulders. He shook his head, but I knew this technique worked in bringing us closer.

I still do it, and every time, without fail, he starts smiling; we laugh; the day is better.

They say people who own pets live longer, happier lives. Dogs in particular have a way of wearing their hearts on, well, their wagging tail. Theirs is a love that is given without preconceived notions, without judgment, unqualified, unreserved, absolute, enthusiastic, a whole body response. The next time your partner comes home, greet them the way you would your dog. Welcome them the way your dog would. Shake your booty; jump up and down; heck, go ahead and lick them. Give your partner that love that dogs have perfected.

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The following is feedback received for this blog: Margaret, I love your blog! You write about your topics with such sensitivity and humor - definitely makes me want to read them all! I've added this site as one of my favorites - I will smile every week when I read them! See you soon! - Jody Breckenridge

You’ve all heard of the metric system and it’s conversion to the English system and vice-versa.

1 in = 2.54 cm
32ºF = 0ºC
1 oz = 29.6 ml


Well, apparently there is another one:
35 lb = 1 in

What does this mean? How does weight convert to distance?

This is the conversion of the amount of weight gained and apparent loss of penile length.* And conversely, amount of weight lost and penile length gained.

I’ve heard Dr. Oz even mention this during an episode of Oprah. I’m not even sure where this conversion exactly came from. I actually tried to look for the original study or paper that came up with this. The crux of the message is with weight gain, penile length decreases. Obviously, there are limitations. One can only lose so much weight (losing 210 lbs, does not gain you 5 inches of penis), and this really only applies to heavier men.

The reason this is brought up is twofold:

• Men seem to want to know how to increase their penile length.
• And not to prejudice against heavy men, but to point out another potential downside of gaining weight.

The penis is at a fix point. So when one gains weight, the area around the penis grows engulfing the penis. So as men get heavier, their penis appears to get smaller.

One more thing to add to the scourge of obesity — a smaller penis.

I just glanced at my calendar for this week and am amazed at how I’ve somehow scheduled meetings, dinner, appointments, a talk, pet nail clipping, and an oil change in one week; besides the fact that I work between 50 to 60 hours per week.
 
I marvel at my friends and colleagues who have kids. Their calendars are splattered with lessons, games, and doctors' appointments on top of their own agendas. (And people wonder why my husband and I don’t have kids yet; but that will be a future blog entry.)
 
Our lives, in general, seem to be filled with so much stuff. With better technology, we are able to do things more efficiently. This gives us permission to, in turn, cram more things into our busy lives more and more each year. And so we have to schedule things or else they won’t get done: grocery shopping, trips to Target, doing laundry, coffee, and, oh yes, sex. I tell my patients to schedule sexual activity and/or intimacy. We all have to if we want to keep the relationship going.

Some may argue that this way loses spontaneity. There is no romance, no surprises. Actually, there can be spontaneity and romance and the element of surprise — a bit like organized chaos. For example, the time and date may be scheduled, but what you as a couple do may completely be a surprise. I suggest taking turns planning the intimate activity. Sexual intercourse need not be the planned event. Watching a movie, sensual couple’s massage, necking (yes, making out, macking, fooling around, what else do people call it nowadays?). This is also why date night is very important to couples, to maintain intimacy.

Also, given the choice, would one rather have scheduled sex (or macking or massaging) than not have it at all? The next time you right down the next meeting on your iPhone or Palm, think about when you last had an intimate moment with your partner. If you can’t remember or it’s been too long, then put it in your schedule.