Sexual Healing by Dr. Margarita Kressin

(A follow up to the dog analogy and what not to do)

I also have a cat. And as much as I love this cat, it is quite a bizarre kind of relationship. First, I don’t think the cat has really accepted me. He was my husband’s cat, and I felt like I was, and still am, a visitor in his world.

My dogs are rescue dogs adopted when they were both around one-year-old; so it’s not like I raised them from birth. And yet, they attached to me instantly. My older dog met my husband when she was 10, and she is definitely daddy’s girl. So, I think it’s the cat …well ... just being a cat.

The cat meows when he is hungry and stalks me until I feed him. Otherwise, I actually don’t see the cat much. When I come home, I have to call for the cat to see where he is. Sometimes he comes, more often he doesn’t. He shows up and meows during dinner time, though.

He only has 4 teeth so we feed him wet food. But he won’t eat the food if it’s been sitting around and dries up a little. So he typically meows every 2-3 hours since we give him a little food at a time. He's very demanding. When he’s done, he disappears again. No acknowledgment; I feel so used.

He always tries to escape by trying to go outside every chance he gets. He is completely declawed so he would be defenseless. And so we try to protect him, but he clearly does not seem to know that. We are his warden and he must escape.

Worse, we are his servants and must serve him at his beck and call.

He is not a snuggler in general, which I hear is typical for most cats. However, he comes to our bed to “snuggle” around 3:00 am by putting all of his 10 pounds of weight on the one little paw that is pressing on my bladder. (Every time, every single time. I don’t know how he knows to target my relatively full bladder, but he does. And I think he does it on purpose.)

So, don’t be this cat to your partner. Don’t be demanding. Don’t just disappear and then show up at dinner time. Don’t try to escape as if you don’t want to spend time with your loved one. Come and greet them when they come home with enthusiasm. Your partner is neither your warden nor your slave. Know when to shut up, know when to acknowledge a good deed, and know when to give a snuggle at the right time.