The 2023 U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory named loneliness and isolation an epidemic. Yet as an on-site EAP counselor, my clients rarely name that as their primary concern. Still, disconnection is often a key underlying factor — and a barrier to relief.
The need for connection itself isn’t new. What feels different now is the growing hesitation around it. Clients seem more overwhelmed by the idea. Starting feels rusty. They anticipate more awkwardness. Additionally, opportunities for connection seem less present in daily life.
My husband, a college writing instructor of 15 years, has noticed a similar shift. His students are increasingly quiet and reluctant to engage. Despite his natural ability to draw people out, he finds it harder than ever to create interaction in the classroom
Researchers with Harvard’s Making Caring Common project, in collaboration with YouGov, offer some insight. Their national survey found that 73% of Americans believe technology contributes to loneliness, while 62% say people are too busy, overworked, or exhausted to connect. More than half also pointed to an increasingly individualistic culture, including a shift to remote and hybrid schedules. Together, these factors show a society where connection requires more effort than it once did.
Honestly, socializing feels heavier to me too. Connecting with people is my profession, yet I feel my social energy rarely extends beyond my clients. Like many of them though, I wouldn’t typically identify as lonely or isolated. I usually don’t realize how disconnected I’ve become until I’m with others — and suddenly, I feel more alive. One recent example: a newer colleague now works alongside me regularly, and our brief daily interactions have made my workdays noticeably lighter.
Both my clients’ and my own experiences show that once we get the ball rolling and engage, we are often surprised by how well it goes and how much better we feel. It turns out, the anticipation is the hardest part.
But why use the little bit of leftover energy and time we have to connect? Yes, it will likely help us feel better, but as former Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy highlights, the stakes are higher than just emotional experience. Disconnection “harms both individual and societal health … The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity.”
If connection is both harder and more necessary, the question becomes how we make it more accessible in everyday life. The answer is often simpler than it seems. Small, intentional moments — brief, even imperfect ones — can be more powerful than you might expect. So, embrace the awkward. Make use of opportunities you might otherwise overlook. Prioritize it as a practice.
The Surgeon General’s 2023 Advisory calls on both individuals and the institutions that shape our day-to-day — including workplaces — to create environments that support connection. Below are a few simple ways I and my workplace prioritize connection. I hope they might spark ideas for you:
Me — even when I am already peopled out:
- I spend time in shared spaces — take short walks or sit in common areas at my workplace; spend time in parks with my dog.
- I acknowledge others in passing with a smile, nod, greeting or farewell. If I like their outfit, etc., I make sure to tell them.
- I take small opportunities to interact — holding the elevator or offering help to someone who looks lost.
- I make a point to let my colleague know when I arrive on site and when I might have availability to touch base.
My workplace:
- Having my team onsite provides individuals, teams and the broader organization more immediate mental health education and support, including timely emotional debriefs after critical incidents.
- Developing a peer support program with training in emotional first aid and badges that make peer supporters visible and accessible.
- Creating staff engagement teams within departments that organize social and volunteer events throughout the year.
- Offering shared, informal activities in common spaces like break rooms (e.g., puzzles, collaborative art).
- Starting meetings with a quick question that invites people to share something positive from their lives.
Connection doesn’t have to be complex or time-consuming. Small, consistent efforts at both the individual and organizational level can make a meaningful difference. As Vivek H. Murthy noted, relationships are “a source of healing hiding in plain sight…simple, but extraordinarily powerful."
