Dear Lord, why me?

Kelley Fox holding posterYou may automatically think that I say that because of my cancer diagnosis. Well, you would be wrong. That thought races through my head every day, wondering why I’m still alive today.

If I had a nickel for every time that thought went through my head ...

You see, pancreatic cancer has only a 6% survival rate. My percentage is slightly higher (25%), since I was eligible for the Whipple procedure.

As I’ve mentioned in some of my earlier blogs, I joined (actually was invited to) a pancreatic cancer survivor’s group. Sadly, over the period of time I’ve been a member, we have lost several members. Each time one passes, I ask “Why me?”

What makes me different? Why am I still here?

The only answer that comes to mind is that I’m here to help others. I’m here to be the voice of pancreatic cancer. I’m here to prove that some do survive.

However, the survivor’s guilt kicks in. Not everyone suffers from this guilt, but I do. Especially when I see someone who fights with all their might pass away. I understand that I, too, fought, but what makes me different???

A dear friend of mine is soon to lose her husband to liver cancer. The guilt is heavy, but I must be strong and remember that God has a purpose for each of us. Whether we survive or unfortunately do not. We must make the most of our lives and the lives of our loved ones.

The reason for this post isn’t to be a Debbie Downer, but to educate others that guilt can come in all forms and for any reason. You must always look for a positive and continue to reach for it.


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Do you suffer from survivor's guilt? Share your comments below.

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About the Author

Kelley Fox was born in Kenosha, Wis., and currently resides just slightly west, in Bristol. Shortly after marriage, she and her husband lived in east Texas and mid-state Illinois, returning to Wisconsin in 1991. Kelley was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in May 2012. She underwent surgery at Froedtert with chemo and radiation treatment in Kenosha. She is currently in remission and continues to see her doctors every six months for check-ups. Having survived a cancer that typically has only a 6% five-year survival rate is what motivates Kelley to bring awareness and support to other cancer survivors. 

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