New Year's Eve was spent in the hospital with my son, who received an autologous stem cell transplant for Hodgkin's lymphoma on Dec. 28. Not the greatest way to ring in the New Year.
I'm generally not big on New Year's resolutions, but I do like goal-setting in general.
This year, I guess I have goals and dreams on my mind. Goals are things I can work toward. Some of what I wish for is not entirely in my control.
I wish that this transplant will cure my son's cancer. He spent all of 2015 sick. I hope for better days in the year ahead.
Clearly, we will not know for a while if a cure was achieved. At the end of January, we'll have a PET scan. I wish for a negative PET and remission.
There will be further treatment in 2016. There is a relatively new chemo drug specifically for post stem cell transplant lymphoma patients. It will be a three-week regimen instead of the two-week regimen of his original chemo. I feel like that will be more manageable than all of the treatments he endured in 2015.
My goal is to try and live life without simply living from appointment to appointment, and scan to scan. If the scans don't show what we hope for, my goal is to move forward with strength.
But mostly my goal is to stop waiting for life to get better, and to get back to living my life. I want to appreciate the moments. Although our holiday season was spent in the hospital, we had much to celebrate. We were working toward a cure. We had support from family and friends. My family spent a great deal of time together.
Now, more than, ever, I need to stop wishing my life away. I can't afford to keep thinking or saying, "Things will get better once the treatment is done." We've got a way to go, and we need to live life in the meantime.
I have to appreciate every day that Alex is still with us — every smile, every moment. We need to take advantage of his good days. We need to stay positive.
In the beginning, I feel like we were pretty good at not letting cancer dominate every moment. We kept many "normal" routines throughout his six months of primary treatment. When we learned that his primary treatment failed, that was a difficult blow. And the reality is that the subsequent treatment — salvage chemo and a stem cell transplant — required us to put our lives on hold.
I'm happy to say good-bye to 2015. I do hope for a cure for Alex in 2016. I also hope that we can keep from letting cancer and uncertainty dominate every day.
Perhaps, as early as tomorrow, we will get discharged from the hospital to a temporary apartment nearby. I am looking forward to a little more room, a little more freedom and Alex feeling stronger. Since we can't return home yet to work and normal routines, we can look at the next couple of weeks as a time to relax and recharge. Alex is feeling better. We can have pizza and movie night. We can cautiously go to a few places.
I don't know if 2016 will bring the news I want. I plan to choose to appreciate every moment we are given. I'm not going to spend the year waiting for news. I'm going to live in the moment.
Share Your Thoughts
What are your goals for 2016? What are your wishes? Share your comments below.
